Categories
Abuse Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Curve Ball

Back when I was in the hospital I contacted three family members to let them know I was ill. Then six months after, I contacted one of them again, with no response. My sister responded by saying she didn’t care if I lived or died.

Two years have passed since the hospitalization with no word from anyone. It’s been two years worth of emotional and physical healing where I began to fully accept that my family is not made up of blood relatives. Then a week ago I got a text from my aunt who said she just now found my phone number in her phone. She wanted to talk and text and be family. For a few days I updated her on my condition as well as my efforts to contact family two years ago. She said she nor my other aunt received a message. Even if that is true I am at the point where I am totally divorced from them.

My first response was shock and anger followed by anxiety and upset. In the few days I texted with her, nightmares and anxiety resulted. I noticed I was rocking back and forth and I needed more lavender than usual to calm myself. I decided then and there to let my aunt know that she may keep my number for emergency purposes but regular contact isn’t advisable. Her response was to send a thumbs up emoji.

 When I texted my aunt (we never spoke on the phone, just texting) I didn’t write a long, drawn out letter explaining myself. Since she asked if I need anything I decided to add in the short text that I’m doing ok and that I’m taken care of physically, emotionally and spiritually and she doesn’t have to worry I’m out here in need. I wrote that I wasn’t acting out of anger but didn’t say what motivated me to ask that she not continue texting regularly. I didn’t feel she needed that explanation.

Walking away from that family is the second best decision I ever made. It was easier to walk away than to emotionally divorce them, which I have finally done. In the last two years I totally gave up on the idea of blood relatives. It is simply not my blessing. I have many, many others but family is not among them and I have finally come to grips with that. I won’t turn back now just because someone pops up out of nowhere hoping for what I will not give – myself and my peace of mind.

Faith

Ecclesiastes 3:4-7

4  A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to wail and a time to dance; 5  A time to throw stones away and a time to gather stones together; A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; 6  A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away; 7  A time to rip a part and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak;

2 replies on “Curve Ball”

Leave a Reply to Better Beta Reads Cancel reply