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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

A little lonely during self distancing

I’ve been self isolating since March. It’s getting hard to keep this up since I can’t even get a regular aide out here. I sat here for 2 days with no nurse’s aide bc the company has few workers bc of the COVID-19 situation. School programs are closed. Child care is scarce and so are the people I see and talk to on a regular basis.

I worried that if I was here by myself I’d get lonely, and I have. Any will to get out of bed and attempt to eat something other than popcorn is sapped by the lack of human contact.

I don’t know if I’ll have care tomorrow. I don’t know what will happen. I just know I’ve had 6 hours of CNA time when I should have had 35!

I asked Dr D when I’ll see him in his office again. It may not be until August.

Cases in Indiana are going down but it’s still not safe for those of us considered high risk. Not safe. What a sad and scary comment.

I understand why Dr D isn’t seeing patients right now. I understand why my Oncologist won’t let me come in to see him, nor will my nurse come. My physician is seeing people on video conference. This is interesting bc I’m someone whose life revolved around going to the doctor and hospital. As much as I hated it, it’s what I did. It was life. My health hasn’t improved so that I don’t need to be seen, it’s just safer not to go there. How strange to suddenly have that part of my life missing.

I think pain is hardest when endured alone. When a CNA is here and I’m in pain I am less afraid of it, not as consumed by it. Alone, I get so afraid of the pain.

It is a fact that I can’t depend on the CNAs. It’s not just this company or I’d just up and change companies. It’s a huge problem in the field of primarily young, underpaid, undereducated workers. How do you hire the young and inexperienced in life to go into a largely self regulated home and care for advanced conditions for which they are not trained? Yes they can do the mechanics of the job but they don’t know how to be patient and understanding or flexible. Those are the major failures of the group, not the mechanics. They can wash dishes, but God forbid they show up on time or come to work regularly.

My point is that young CNAs are trying to figure life out. Adding the elderly and disabled as their responsibility with no supervision in the home simply isn’t working! They haven’t matured enough. Add low pay and disrespect for workers and you’ve got yourself a beautiful disaster.

So tomorrow will come but my CNA may not…. again. No backup is coming either bc there aren’t enough workers with child care right now. It’s a waiting game. I work through sporadic care until child care opens up again. It might be until August. This coronavirus outbreak is definitely a hardship on everyone.

The friends from the Kingdom Hall aren’t going to let me go hungry. I know for a certainty they will bring food here. I’ll have to see about other tasks. I just don’t know.

Jordan

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.