Content: Very personal entry. Perhaps not for the squeamish. Talk of blood and blood clots as well as being on a blood thinner during the cycle.
I’m struggling physically. I thought I was going to the hospital last night. I didn’t go because I thought to myself, I just can’t do the battery of tests they’re going to want me to do. I can’t do it.
So what’s wrong? For awhile now I’ve had much shorter cycles followed by no cycle at all for four months. I thought I was finished with this mess and would ‘only’ deal with perimenopausal symptoms but nooooo. Perimenopause sucks. What a complicated issue. I can’t believe I actually started the other day, on the 17th. That period ended in 7 days. I was hoping it was a fluke and it would end there, however, all through last night I passed blood clots larger than a golf ball. I was dog sick and exhausted.
I strongly considered calling the doctor but I’ve got Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and DID which makes doing pelvic exams all but impossible. That’s how I felt last night. I felt I couldn’t do the battery of pelvic exams that they are going to do. I am a Lupus patient on blood thinners. The blood thinner has the possibility of causing bleeding into the stomach that comes out as blood clots.
One thing I wasn’t prepared for is being on a blood thinner and having a period. No one warned me that it could be so frightening. No one said, hey, if you have a cycle again while on fondaparinux things can get ugly very quickly. I wish I’d been warned.
Calling the doctor means they will suspect bleeding in places I should not, as well as several other conditions. They will take into account my personal medical history and freak out. They’re going to want to do a battery of tests as I said and that made me think to myself, I can’t do this, let come what may. I’m tired and done. I can’t do a pelvic exam. I then prayed fervently to my God and told him I need power beyond what is normal to show up to the doctor and let them examine me and do whatever tests need to be done.
This could all mean absolutely nothing other than a natural shedding and pooling situation or it could be minor, or it could be a disaster. I won’t know that until I show up for this life event, one I feel more prepared for than last night.
I am not super woman. I am just dust. Just dust. I’m afraid of another drawn out issue but I’m also afraid of what I saw my body do last night and this morning. I thought, well if there are no golf ball size clots tomorrow (which is today) then I’ll let it go, but I can’t let it go and I know that. I hope to get answers from my doctors soon.
That’s all for now.