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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

A New Course

I’m in the process of changing all my care to one hospital system instead of trying to have a Family Doctor who gives referrals to one hospital and a Hematologist and surgeon at a totally different hospital. For the sake of being clear on which hospital I want to go to I’ll just call it the good hospital and the other one the bad hospital. I know that’s very black and white but I can live with it.

The last thing on earth I want is to have any more care done at the hospital that treated me like so much garbage. Let me explain. Two years ago when I was in the hospital I started out at the bad hospital. That hospital refused to treat me because as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses I don’t accept blood. They said there was nothing they could do for me and left me for four days without care. They left me to die. The good thing is that I was able to transfer out of there to the good hospital.

While in the bad hospital and before I transferred, a nurse’s aide, knowing I’m a Witness, asked me, “What is the most religious persecution you’ve ever had?” I said, “Does this count?” She said, “We’re not persecuting you.” I reminded her that the hospital refused to treat me any further based on my stance against blood use.

Because that hospital was so willing to let me die the first time, I can’t fathom letting them do this surgery on me to remove a fibroid tumor. The surgery for me will be a big one for many reasons and I simply don’t trust them based on past performance. The other thing is, when I went to get imaging done, they asked me to sign a letter stating that I understand that they (that clinic associated with that hospital) don’t recognize or follow living wills or advanced directives. Since I was only getting imaging done it didn’t matter but it brought back very strongly how the very religious hospital once decided to let me die based on my religion.

With that in mind, I decided it’s time to leave the bad hospital behind all together and change my Family Doctor to one who is at the good hospital, ya know, the hospital that removed a blood clot off my heart, both lungs and throughout my legs without the use of a drop of blood. It can be done!!!! I’m living proof.

One might ask, is in the middle of a medical crisis the right time to switch Family Doctors? Usually, no, however, my medical crisis are ongoing. When is the right time for me? I think its now, before any more major decisions need to be made.

This is all so dang stressful. I’m trying to stay calm but this is stressful.

I have an appointment with a Family Doctor associated with the good hospital on August 13th. Before I see him, I’ll see my Oncologist / Hematologist on the 29th of this month. He and I will have a frank discussion about his role in this particular health situation. He’s also going to check for blood clots in my legs and lungs (a precaution) and at that time I’ll tell him about changing doctors so that every test and every medical provider is at one very trusted hospital. I’m certain he’ll be pleased.

As I said, I’m a bit stressed. I know that having fibroids is not life threatening. A fibroid the size of a lime isn’t life threatening. Despite still passing larger than golf ball size blood clots, my hemoglobin levels are good and safe which means I have time for this change and for good planning. What becomes life threatening for me is the surgery to remove the tumor. Cutting into me is dangerous because of the Lupus and my blood clotting disorder (I clot when it shouldn’t and won’t clot when it should). For the surgery I’ll have to stop the blood thinner for two days. This scares me because of clotting the last time I didn’t have it for a day. So, its not the condition but the treatment of the condition that scares me.

I know I can’t go on dropping blood clots like this forever and be okay, but I do have just a little time for this change. If anything at all changes for the bad, I’ll let the old doctor and my Hematologist know.

Why am I willing to go on like this for another month? Because I don’t want to die and I truly, truly don’t trust the ‘bad hospital’ at all, not even the Family Doctor who recently tried to pressure me to take a medication my Hematologist said not to take. I need to wait until the right health care is lined up before I let anybody cut on me.

I’m going to keep my faith the same as I did with the big hospitalization two years ago. I want good care without the use of blood. The good hospital is used to working with Jehovah’s Witnesses and so is the new Family Doctor. What a relief.

Faith

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