I woke from nightmares yet again, screaming myself awake. The cat looked at me like I’m crazy. I then hurried to get myself together before my CNA arrived. I didn’t want to be seen that frazzled and shaken.

Despite a rough start, it looks like this evening will be quiet and unassuming. I’ve completed some work and intend to lie here with my cat and read until dinner is done.

I need a calm, quiet night to sooth this lingering sadness and dread. Not only am I still passing large blood clots since June 17th but I have at times lost continence. With this new symptom I’ve secured a doctor’s appointment on the 3rd as well as the 13th. I figured I should go in.

Between worrying about my health and nightmares I feel worn thin. I need a night dedicated to peaceful dealings, period. No thinking of health issues or what sleep this evening might bring, just a few hours of relaxation to recharge.

Dinner is roasted lamb with curry and a side of greens. I’ll sip a bit of red wine and end the evening with my book. That’s my plan to recharge so I can face tomorrow with renewed energy.


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