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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Weepy. Wait and See?

I don’t know what my problem is but I am weepy today. I’ve been on the verge of tears all day. Finally I dropped a few tears when I ran across a painting created a long time ago that I’d forgotten about. I looked at it and it just touched me. I don’t know.

It’s actually been a good few days. In the last three days I’ve sold 4 paintings and a few oils that I make here at home. Despite being happy about the sales I’m overwhelmed by emotion and tearful.

I know therapy was a bit difficult on Monday. We went over the dream I had about the goldfish and being told I’m the enemy of the family. We then discussed all three doctor appointments I have coming up concerning the fibroid tumor. Tomorrow I go to my Hematologist / Oncologist to discuss with him possible treatments that I can do without putting myself in harms way.

I was wondering if it’s possible for them to watch it for just a little bit and worry about removing it after the pandemic? I know I’ll have to deal with passing large blood clots and with incontinence, but those things aren’t life threatening. Cutting on me is life threatening. But is waiting and having a little bit of patience a choice I have? At this point there is increased pain in my belly as well as incontinence and blood clots. They’re disturbing, upsetting and the pain on top of other pain is exhausting….but with a little patience and constantly reminding myself that its temporary, I can manage it. I’m just very worried about the surgery. I’m also worried about doing it during a pandemic. I’ll know all these things soon enough so there’s no reason to spin in my head all the possible angles this could go.

I need a good cry and a nap.

Faith

2 replies on “Weepy. Wait and See?”

Hi Faith, I’m sorry for your hard day. I’m also sorry about your incredibly long list of physical ailments. It must be exhausting and sometimes so scary. I wish you the best at the oncologists tomorrow and hope it is safe for you to postpone surgery. I’ll be thinking of you and sending love.

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.