I told Dr D about my Nebula projector. He asked if I am feeling older and question my place in the universe. I certainly didn’t connect the two but he did. He mentioned that I turned 49 late August and that people in midlife begin to ask deeper questions about life and seek out stars and star gazing in midlife.

What an interesting connection he made. Incorrect, but interesting. I told him that I do not ask, Why am I here? What is my purpose? I feel as if I know the answer to those big questions. Of course he asked the answer. I’m able to sum it up in one word: faith. My purpose is wrapped up in my faith. A purpose I nearly lost but fortunately I got my footing back and started walking in the way again.

I explained to Dr D that it is my faith that helps me through nights like last night when pain was very high.

My interest in the stars is simply because they are beautiful. Also, I needed a night light in this apartment. What better nightlight than a blue Nebula?

We talked about how my health has taken a turn. I’ve got a blood clot in my leg. Despite never, ever missing a blood thinner shot, I’ve got a clot. Of course this threw me off balance for a moment. I started thinking about my mortality and how quickly I could succumb to Lupus. I got depressed a bit. How nice to receive flowers unexpectedly from friends on a day I was down emotionally.

Right now I’m doing my best to manage the symptoms of Lupus as well as my blood disorder. It’s difficult and very painful but it’s only part of my life. I truly want enjoy and appreciate the good parts and work through the rest, just like everyone else does in life. I’m no different, just more vocal I suppose.

I’m doing well with my new CNA. She’s mild tempered, not hyper. She’s on time each morning and she cooks well. I have no complaints about her. I’m surprised at how mature she is being only nineteen.

Today’s session, talking about faith, about how I do not believe in hell fire and about my purpose, went a lot deeper than usual. It was good.


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