Last week I made a statement in therapy that I had to reexamine. I said that all I know is pain. I’ve had Lupus since I was a child and I had my mother to deal with. Now I’ve got Lupus, other health issues and mental health issues, all very painful to live with. Maybe 10 years ago it was accurate to say I only know pain, but not anymore.

Pain in its forms is a huge, debilitating part of life, but I have happiness, too. I have interests that keep me going and I have hope that helps me get out of bed.

We talked about how this pandemic is going on and on. Without my secular interests, it would be even more difficult to stay home alone very little real human interaction. Yes, my CNAs come here daily for 6 hours, but the conversation is lacking. It is not stimulating in the least, but it is enough to keep me from losing my mind while isolating.

We didn’t get a chance to talk about the two dolls I finished for myself. I settled on names for them. One is named Lola, which means Our Lady of Sorrow. The other doll is named Sophia which means Victory.

I really like Lola because her hair is synthetic and can be brushed and styled. Her dress is wine colored and white with a beautiful bow. Like my other dolls, she’s got earrings but unlike other dolls she is sad looking. She is reminiscent of drawings I’ve done with bags and dark rings around tired eyes. I’ve got to get her some little shoes for her dress.

Sophia is like the other dolls. She’s soulful but not sad. She’s in a dark green dress with lace. She too has pearl earrings and yarn hair like the other dolls I’ve made.

I will soon begin an overhaul, remake of the doll Mia. She’s going to get synthetic hair and renewed skin color as well as new clothes. Mia

Mia - My own Inner Child Doll
My Inner Child Doll

I don’t really want my inner child doll, Mia, to look like a school girl anymore. I feel like my inner self should be represented a little older. I also dearly want to be able to brush her hair so I’ll weave it in as I did with Lola.

So that’s where I am at now. Finishing dolls, starting a new project and continuing therapy.


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