I’m quite close to chucking it all and heading to the emergency room for a shot of whatever that was they gave me the last time I was there. It’s been a week of high pain and vomiting.
I hoped I’d last until it’s time for the ablation but I can’t stand it.
Not only do I have increased pain in my legs and foot as well as the stump, I have increased pain in my stomach with camping and nausea. I feel horrible right now. This is a flare up and problems with the fibroid. Toss in hot flashes and fatigue and you’ve got yourself a handful of misery.
Today Dr D and I talked about watching videos that help me focus on something other than pain. I watch JW Broadcast on my tablet but next month I will purchase a small, smart TV. I haven’t had a TV since 2005 so to bring one here will be a big change. I figure with self isolating and the pandemic dragging on as well as continued pain, it would be nice to watch JW Broadcast on something other than a tablet. So next month I’ll go shopping for a smart TV.
In therapy we talked about how this ablation I’m going to have feelings like a loss. It’s necessary but it’s a loss. I hope it’s not terribly painful. I don’t know if I’m getting pain killers after or not. It seems as though I should. They’re not doing the radio wave ablation, they’re doing a hot water one. It’ll be a 3rd degree burn to the uterus, then they’ll thin the wall. Sounds painful to me!
I spoke with the doctor who said he’d give me a pain script a bit ago. When I tried to get the meds he said, “I think it’s best you get them from your general practitioner.” I was / am so mad at him. I didn’t ask for those meds, he suggested it. Why he changed his mind is anyone’s guess. Soooo, I still have no pain meds.
There are times when the pain is bad enough that I would rather just go to sleep and not wake up. I question if it’s worth it to keep going. After it calms down a bit and I can breathe again, I am happy I made it to the other side. Prolonged pain will bend the mind.
I’m not suicidal in the least and I’m not going to try to do anything to myself. I’m just commenting that prolonged pain makes you think unreasonable thoughts.
During long nights and days I’ve got my buddy Joe to snuggle with. This little old man is getting so fluffy with his Fall coat coming in. I just love my guy.