I went to see the General Practioner today. I thought it would be a long appointment but it wasn’t. I was happy about that. When I saw him, I got a lot of reassurance that the surgery will be just fine and that I’ll not have any bleeding issues as a result of the surgery. I asked if there’s a chance I’ll bleed to death because of the blood thinner. He said no, because they’re going to stop the blood thinner 24 hours before surgery and 24 hours after. He said this would insure that I’m safe for the out patient procedure.

I explained to him that in the back of my head I see the situation I nearly didn’t live through. Yes, it’s been 2 yrs but my goodness it still makes me shake. I know how my blood system is. It’s fickle!

This shouldn’t be a big deal but with so many other factors involved, it feels like it is. Despite being ready to do the surgery…… I am ready…… I very much feared it. Dr. P (the General Practitioner) helped a lot today, as did the elders from my Kingdom Hall.

I talked to the Brothers who reminded me that it is normal and human to feel fear. They showed me in the Bible where prominent people felt fear but were still faithful. I appreciated the reminder that I’m only human with human emotions.

Dr. D (my psychotherapist) and I have been discussing my difficulties with touch as well as with anxiety. He and I are talking about me doing a self portrait. I’m still working on my inner child doll. I won’t be able to afford to do her hair until November but I do intend to redo it. I tried with what I have but I don’t like it. I’m going to go to Sally’s Beauty Supply and purchase hair for her that can be combed and curled. I can’t wait.


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