Stress and anxiety have taken over the last two weeks. I stopped eating and took in fewer fluids than normal. I was exhausted. I could hardly breathe but my oxygen levels were very good so that made no sense. My chest was tight. I was faint, weak and had low blood pressure. They thought I was physically sick until we took a better look at things.

Situational depression has sunk in. There were days I wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep facing the wall, refusing to look at the world. I knew I felt crushed in some ways, not finished but crushed and in need of …something? Time maybe. I even isolated, which I know full well I shouldn’t do. I stopped eating. For three days I didn’t eat a thing until my caregiver began to nag then all but demand I eat something.

Then of course there was anxiety that snuck up on me, concerning the surgery. But my eyes were too dark. I couldn’t see the signs. I didn’t know yet that depression and anxiety were taking a toll on my body.

All the therapy I’ve had and it never occurred to me that anxiety was the reason I couldn’t breathe. And it never occurred to me that the way I was going with lack of food was the reason I felt so faint. I’d somehow lost my way. Things got too big. Life simply got too big, and I stopped taking care of myself.

The trauma from last August was substantial. That depression along with anxiety over the surgery has made my plate too full. My body hurts from head to toe. My head is too full. My body and my mind hurt. The sum of me hurts.

As it turns out, all my symptoms are temporary and controllable. I take a deep sigh with that. At least it’s not another blood clot or some other huge killer issue. It’s just dehydration, depression and stress response.

The doctor ordered a few precautionary tests and gave me instructions on what to do to rehydrate. I then looked up information relating to blood pressure and anxiety because that one sounded odd to me. I saw several references to it but this one sounded most like me.

The Calm Clinic says this about blood pressure and anxiety: Generally, stress raises blood pressure, so many believe the main (or only) likely cause of low blood pressure is poor breathing. But there may be other causes. Often, after periods of intense anxiety, the body is left feeling very fatigued, and this can contribute to low blood pressure in people. How Anxiety Can Cause Low Blood Pressure – Calm Clinic.

So I’m armed with the information that I need to really work my coping skills daily. It’s going to be hard because I really don’t want to. I just want to lie down and curl up. But that put me where I’m at right now and right now is very uncomfortable. It’s time to use my support system, stand back up and do my best to keep moving forward.


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2 thoughts on “Anxiety the Giant

  1. We hear you and see you. 💕 Things like that happen to us too even after years of therapy.

    We are more depressed than I thought and in the process of this realization last night, it occurred to us that our barometer of what constituted significant depression has changed over the past 5 years. It’s different and we have to learn to look at other signs now instead of our old red flags. It’s also complicated with more physical health issues that can mimic depression, etc. We can tell what’s physical vs mental, but we also now know there is a percentage where we can’t differentiate between the two. We’ve been defaulting that percentage to physical health because we were using an old barometer for our depression and anxiety.

    Also, the current state of the so called United States and fascism reality and more is enough by itself to drive anxiety, stress responses, and depression with helplessness and hopelessness sky high. Add in personal circumstances, current personal issues, etc and it is a complex mess to navigate through to better mental health. 💗

    We’ve both been through plenty of stuff over the years in our healing. We’ll navigate, survive, and grow from this too. Love to you all.

    1. This is good information…. “It’s different and we have to learn to look at other signs now instead of our old red flags.” I appreciate the comments ❤

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