I can’t stand it. I don’t even know why I’m writing it. I guess because it helps just to say or scream that it hurts. I think when I hurt this way it starts to make my heart sad. I feel it emotionally, too. I’m not sure why. The physical pain makes me hurt inside and that is too much to feel, both are too much to feel.

It’s my legs from the hip down. They ache and burn and there is pressure on them. The amputation site feels like it’s being squeezed tighter and tighter, in some kind of vice. My knees ache like it’s going to rain. All of this at once is crazy.

I’m going to shut up now. I just needed to get it out, to say it. Maybe doing so will clear my head a little and make room for a little bit of peace.

I’m going to put Patchouli and Lavender in the diffuser and turn on the heating pad. Maybe I’ll fall asleep!

The CNA company called. They have a new CNA for me starting Monday. I hope she works out, at least for a while.


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5 thoughts on “High Pain

  1. You never need to shut up! Expressing how much pain you are in is a good thing- I know it goes against all our childhood (and in ways, adult) training. Sometimes you just need to let it out somewhere that someone might hear you, see you, read, know, etc., and the act of doing so allows the release of something within you. At least you aren’t holding all that in by yourself. You aren’t alone and you are loved and cared about a lot!

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.

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