For several nights in a row I’ve had a dream about getting hugs from some beautiful black man. I know, right! The thing is, since I haven’t had a real hug since March the dream hugs have been nice and healing. In one dream he hugged me and held on. It was great and so real that I feel like I have actually been hugged.

Today my stand-in CNA decided to play match maker so I told her I need a 6’2, African American man and bald. He needs to be one of Jehovah’s Witnesses for no less than 5 years. Then I shocked myself and said, and he needs to be in a wheelchair. Wow! Where did that come from?

I first off am not looking for anything. I’m going to remain single because this single life is what I know and am comfortable with. Having a significant other is too much work and I run the risk of losing myself, which is a behavior I’m known for in relationships. So I want to be and like being single. But there are times when I think about dating a nice guy. This is the first time I’ve come out and said that I’d want him to also be in a wheelchair. I think bc I want to be understood concerning the loss that resulted in the chair (not just the foot but nerve damage in the legs as well.) I feel like someone in a chair will “get me” and understand it’s complexities.

It would be nice to have a friend in a wheelchair who sees the world from this height and who is still adjusting to physical changes. It would be nice to go on rolls down the road together, the way people go on a morning walk. So while it’s not necessary for me to have a significant other, it would be very nice to have a friend in a wheelchair.


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