CONTENT: Race relations in my home with CNAs and country wide. Inequality for black and white-low income people. I’m so mad I can’t see straight. It’s just been pathetic. I’m mad for myself, for you and for future generations. I’m mad. If I am not as politically correct in my wording then please forgive me this one time.

I was hoping to get an aide that is going to get the vaccine but truthfully, most of the aides are black and many, many black people aren’t trusting this vaccine and don’t want the shot. So I don’t know if I’m going to get my desire to have an aide who has had the shot.

Why don’t black people trust the shot? Because they don’t want to be a guinea pig like we were historically. Stories get passed down from generation to generation about how black people were used in scientific experiments. It’s not as if those stories are that old and we all know that history does repeat itself. So yeah, there’s a real lack of trust for the medical community when it comes to the black community. So the black CNAs are thinking about recent history and their current negative experiences with doctors. This isn’t the entire reason. I’m just saying that we have our well founded reasons for not trusting medical doctors.

What of white CNAs? I’ve had difficulty with them because without fail they come here and start the race conversation. As far back as I can remember, whenever a white CNA shows up I know for certain they’ll turn the conversation to race. I’m not doing it. Two weeks in a row I’ve had a Sunday aide show up and become very racially offensive. The first Sunday the aide talked about Trump, race, immigration and religion, all in three hours! It wasn’t pleasant for her.

Then last Sunday my Caucasian aide decided to tell me that she had it out with her black mother-in-law. She told her black mother-in-law that she isn’t a slave, her family aren’t slaves anymore and she needed to get over herself. I said, STOP! Who do you think you are? You have absolutely no right to have this conversation. First off, who are you to come HERE and do this with me? I reminded her of when slavery ended and that my great-grandmother, whom I knew until I was 15, was the daughter of a man born a slave. And on my great-grandmother’s back are horse whip marks. I’ve seen for myself what a horse whip can do to human flesh. This means I have a right to this conversation, you DO NOT, especially here. She said nothing else about it.

I’ve had white CNAs come here talking about “white slavery” and lies like that. I mean to tell you it’s been crazy when it comes to race. So yes, it matters what race my CNA is. If they’re African-American they are still so close to the abuses of history and disenfranchisement that they can be difficult to relate to. And the CNAs I get are often behind on education and privileges that I enjoyed. The Caucasian CNAs also have lapses in education and privileges but they come with a chip on their shoulder about slavery, every….single…solitary time! Throw the permissions from Trump to be a butt and you’ve got yourself a total mess. This is pathetic.

This thankless job as a CNA doesn’t bring in people who are in a great spot in their lives. This thankless, low paying, dead end job that pays as much as $12 an hour, seems to attract people who go from job to job and who will not use this position as a stepping stone, but a career. I have gotten low income, under educated, under motivated people (black and white) who are a total wreck!

My current CNA is 64 years old and works for two CNA companies. This $12 job is her career. She falls into the “hot mess” category like the other CNAs. This means that despite liking her, she will not have the endurance, longevity, stability to keep this position.

I’m sorry but I’m mad today! I’m mad that there are such racial disparities. I’m mad that people fall behind in the world and aren’t able to get themselves together. I’m mad and hurt that history repeats itself and that it still affects not just my people but all people. This is not the world I want. This is not how I want to feel and yet here we are, on a country wide scale in the middle of a racial mess! It hurts me deeply.

I hate that the people assigned to care for people like me, end up being those who are two steps from falling off into despair (financially and emotionally). I hate that people 18 and 19 are sent into the homes of Dementia patients to care for them when that age group can hardly care for themselves. They’re simply not old enough and not mature enough for the kind of responsibility being put on them as a CNA or Home Health Aide. Do you really want a teen who can only work an iPhone taking care of your grandmother? This is who is tasked with caring for the most vulnerable, them and the hot mess group.

I’m so mad I can’t see straight. It’s just been pathetic……and it continues.

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2 thoughts on “CNA Chronicles: Race Matters

  1. It sounds absolutely horrendous. I’m so sorry that 1) theres people like that in the world 2) it has become acceptable in society to be like that and 3) that they bring that shit into your own home.

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