I was talking to Dr. D and realized something significant. I expect a lot from myself and when I don’t reach my own expectations, I get really down on myself. This is a simply realization but one that needed to be made.

Today I realized that I’m doing enough creating to keep myself going. No, I’m not painting and producing the way I was, but I am producing art and it’s being sold at a steady rate. I started doing scribble art and geometric designs and just kind of messing around. As it turns out, people like it. It’s selling at a steady rate, as are the dolls. So why on earth do I keep complaining to myself that I don’t paint enough or in the style I used to? I’m not the same person I was two years ago. That person has changed significantly so my style of art has changed. Why can’t I be okay with that? If others are willing to pay money during a pandemic to have my art on their walls then why don’t I just accept the success and move forward with it? Do I really need to keep looking back? That’s what I’ve been doing, looking back.

Dr. D and I discussed the creation of art and how creating art requires the heart. I responded that my heart is broken. It is broken and that is why I’m not doing the amount I used to produce. But it seems like what I’m doing is enough for others, just not for myself. That needs to change. My personal expectations need to be reexamined.

We talked about needing a few projects to complete post-pandemic, something to look forward to. Well, I’ve been working on Mia, my inner child doll. I’ve been re-working her hair which I got a leg up on today. However, after the pandemic I want to get a chair for her so I can display her in the living room instead of putting her in the closet on the shelf. This means going out and looking at second hand stores for a relatively inexpensive child’s wooden chair. I may need to re-make the chair but that’s okay. I just want a chair for her and right now during the pandemic I’m not going to go out and search for one.

Also post-pandemic I want to redesign my frog’s terrarium. I’d like to add some color in the ground cover and remove the Peace Lily plant and replace it with something else. Who knows what. I’ll do this after the pandemic when I can safely go to Lowes and some of the local nursery shops.

Having a few things to look forward to after the pandemic will help me get through the next few months.

Today was a really good session and the first one since he’s back from vacation for two weeks.


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2 thoughts on “Therapy Review: Expectations

  1. I struggle with putting myself down art wise too. It’s as though certain art isn’t artistic enough. In my head it doesn’t count as art. It’s just playing around.

    I hope you can come to accept and embrace where you are currently.

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.

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