Wow! Anxiety has been high for over a week. It peaked today. I had to really concentrate on my breathing and slow it down. I’ve got a new diffuser because after 2 years, my Young Living diffuser went caput. The new one is also white and purple.
Therapy was full of anxiety but not because of the topic. We talked about selling even more art and another sad doll. My CNAs are buying up sad dolls left and right.
The art sold is another piece I did that is mostly shapes, nothing like what I used to do. Again it tells me that I don’t need to create in the old style for people to appreciate it. The new style is also appreciated, enough to trade hard earned money for it. So tomorrow my CNA will mail out work to travel to its new home. It feels really good to know all the art in me isn’t lost. Why do I need to be reassured that I’m still an artist, post amputation?
In therapy today we talked about mourning the old life. I don’t mean to imply that this life is bad. I just miss walking outside with a dog. I miss moss hunting and looking for snails, sticks, rocks and things to put in a tiny terrarium.
The life I have now is good. My home is secure. My friendships are strong and my head is above water financially. There is little to complain about other than my health and CNAs. Yet my heart longs for the things that fed me like moss hunting and crazy projects that I used to get into.
That’s what therapy was about. It ended with me taking about how I’m using Nate’s Hemps pain cream directly on the amputated area for better pain control. I’m using CBD isolate and oil to control the pain. It’s a $75 a month CBD regimen but it helps. It’s not 100% affective but it keeps me from breaking my teeth due to pain.
It’s time to snuggle with Joe. I said something to Dr D about snuggling with Joe and he asked with surprise, Who is Joe?! I laughed. He can’t seem to remember my cat’s name. Maybe next time I’ll say, I need to snuggle with Mr. Fuzzy. That way he’ll know it’s the cat. 😁