There have been 3 mass shootings in Indianapolis in the last thirty days.

I was affected deeply by the young 17 year old boy who shot and killed his family with an AK-47 style weapon, one of the victims being a pregnant young woman. Those five people died directly across the street from where my grandmother lived when I was a child.

The next mass killing in Indianapolis took place when a man killed adults and children because the woman he’d been beating wouldn’t give him the stimulus check. She had the nerve to tell him no and he killed everyone but her and a 6 month old baby.

I went to sleep last night like always and woke around 3am, like always. I checked the news only to discover that 15 miles away there was yet another mass shooting. Eight people died and 5 were hospitalized with gunshot wounds. The 19 year old shooter took his life on the scene.

I’ve been watching the updates for this shooting. I feel so hurt. I’m so traumatized right now. I can’t stand this amount of death. I’m afraid of the madness people think of and the way life means nothing to many.

I’m traumatized when I think of George Floyd and other men who should not be dead. I’m heart sick thinking of injustice and knocked to my knees with worry over what is going to be on the news next.

I want to go to sleep but honestly I’m afraid of what tomorrow will bring. There has been one trauma after another. First there were 4 hard years of trauma from Trump. There were murdered black men and women left and right, followed by a country on the brink of “civil war.” There were protests and counter protests then when we thought it couldn’t get any worse, the US Capitol Building was breached by white supremacists. I tell you that January 6th felt like 9/11 again. So now there’s mass shooting after mass shooting right here in this city. I tell you I’m tired of the constant trauma. It is exhausting.

I feel so intensely, at times I think my heart is going to vomit out of me. I’ve always been an emotional person. I don’t know how to change it or turn it off. I feel helpless.

Faith

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