Paranoia sucks. I’d even say it makes me angry! And when I’ve been paranoid I’m ashamed, embarrassed. It’s more than bothersome. It fills my head.
When I’m under extreme stress like with CNAs, anxiety and worry step forward. Lack of trust and anger! I’m embarrassed to be me.
I’ve had several glimpses into the mirror and I see my mother. Today I was rolling in my wheelchair, which my mother used for years, and I was talking to the CNA. I had dry mouth from breathing treatments just like my mother did. I couldn’t help but feel like her. The OCD and paranoia I got honestly. And when symptoms are raging I can all but see her in the mirror.
In addition to dry mouth from breathing treatments and inhalers, I got the answer from my doctor about what he wants to do about me bleeding even after a uterine ablation.
I talked to the doc who clarified exactly what is bleeding. He said the uterus lining isn’t but a fybroid that is pushing under the uterine wall is causing the problem. How do we fix it? The consensus is that we don’t. It’s a bit too dangerous for major surgery or even to do another ablation so we agreed that since the flow is at a very manageable level, we’ll not fix anything. He wants to see if I can get by a year this way and end up in menopause, which will fix the entire issue all together.
He said he has a few patients on blood thinners that bleed daily because the blood thinner is causing it. That would be terrible to bleed every day until menopause if I were in my early 40s or younger. I have one year. I’m not thrilled at all but I don’t have a choice. I’m not anemic. The flow is minimal without those horrifying, huge clots. A year at this rate will be watched carefully but should not be a problem. Let us hope.
The pen drawing included is one of the new paranoia head noise pieces. Her head is piled high with random things, some are even pretty. But the mind is full and cluttered.