CNA Chronicles : Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

This is a survivors blog. In it I type out my emotions then find the time to read over them. I read my last entry and I thought to myself, something isn’t right. I now understand what that was. I kept going back to “How did things break so completely in three days time?” Why did 3 total strangers get to that level of intensity in three little days? The answer is nearly as bad as how I felt when ignored and dismissed.

In the entry I was very careful and specific with my words. That made me look at some things, too.

The other issue is that after a certain point I was no longer in 2021. Everything I said and did was based on the emotions of a little girl whose mother used to leave her.

It occurred to me that my abandonment issues have been consistently triggered, for the last two years, by the behaviors of the CNAs. Things are only getting worse emotionally. After that flashback, something broke. My ability to sustain this has ended but I am not in a position to end care. With that knowledge, I have assistance from an avenue that has opened up.

I am not ok, but I am in the hands of my friends who will help me make the transition from point a to point b.

I’m trying not to write a whole bunch right now. I just wanted to say that I’m trying.


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