I am not one to gamble. I’m not a huge risk taker in hopes of everything working out in the end. I’m a planner and queen of over thinking. So when I saw a serious deal on my Delta-8 distillate, I got excited but waited, that is until today when I jumped on that deal.

They offer 28 grams for $149 but they also offer 100 grams for $300. That is six months or more worth of pain relief for me. Six months! I can use this Delta-8 now and put money aside for May when it’ll be time to purchase again. That’s the plan. I like it.

This week should be interesting because I don’t have care. Fortunately I’m not dog sick and will manage ok physically. I’m still not in a good spot emotionally so I’ve asked a friend to call me instead of waiting for me to call her next week. I have my therapy session and two Zoom meetings but other than that I’m going to have a lot of time on my hands to over think and worry about things.

When using Delta-8 I am able to stand up for about 4 minutes without being in horrible pain. I have to hold on to something and I don’t have stamina. With this in mind, I am able to make a meal for myself if I prepare well.

I can’t remember if I said this but I’ve been taking advantage of the pre-cooked meals located by the deli at Kroger and Walmart. I’ve been purchasing stuff like rotisserie chicken and cooked roast so that all I need to do is heat it up. So today I’m going to warm up roast and put beside it, fresh zucchini and simple glazed carrots. It’s a meal that I can make myself and not leave a mess.

I don’t have the dexterity to carry a plate and roll the wheelchair so I’ll eat right there at the kitchen counter with everything on a paper plate, so I can hold it. The risk in it is standing up with no one around. The risk is using the convection oven while wobbly and foggy, but I think the risk is required.

The doctor is worried I’m going to fall and bleed internally (again) or that cutting veggies I might cut myself and bleed out quickly because of the blood thinner. My blood thinner does not have an antidote. They can’t just give me a shot to make me stop bleeding quickly. But seriously, am I to always live in fear of what could happen?

There are a ton of reasons why a nurses aide was coming here to help cook and stuff, but right now I don’t have dependable care. Daisy still works here but she’s struggling personally and I can’t guarantee when I’ll see her. I’m afraid she’s going to quit bc of those issues.

I know full well that I can’t go back to having random CNAs come here acting a fool at my house! I really don’t have that in me to do again. So I’m taking some risks like simple, yet healthy, meals I can make myself.

Do I think I can sustain that level of self care long term? No. Even if I could, there are still a ton of things I’m not physically able to do, that I need an aide for; laundry, trash, mopping, vacuum, changing the sheets, getting to the grocery store, showering, etc. So yeah, an aide is needed, but I’ve got to wait until we find one other than through those companies. That much I know for a certainty.

Faith

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