Everyone except me knows this is over

The psychiatrist asked how my sleep is. I told him that when I wake I’m already thinking of going to bed that night. The funny thing is, I have never had a normal sleep pattern but right now I’m sleeping excessively. But I’m also putting off sleep, like I’ve been doing for nearly 5 hours.

I worry about Daisy not making herself available for care. I’ve been back with her for a bit over a month and she’s only been to work 5 times.

My abandonment issues are raging.

This isn’t good. I said she doesn’t bring stress here but I’ve got to take that back.

Daisy has come to work with no lunch 3 of the 5 days. The other 2 she brought food but didn’t eat it, instead she hinted about how good my food looked. When I suggested she eat her own lunch she said no. Daisy hinted several days about how hungry she was. I mean she got dramatic. I said nothing.

It’s hard to ask her to make my lunch or dinner when she goes on and on about being hungry. But I’ve done it. She knows I can’t feed 2 people. She knows to bring a lunch. She also has the option of going to get something to eat. She wants free food.

She knows I will not give her gas money. I go to the store 2x a month and to the doctor once a month. Most places I go are within a 5 mile radius. Other doctor appointments are virtual. I’m not using much gas, yet the manipulation is extensive. She wants petty cash.

The request for Delta-8 and other meds increased. She would bend over moaning and hold her shoulder or back, saying how much pain she was in. She cried out! Said she couldn’t take it. It was quite theatrical. I flat out told her I’m not giving you any medications.

Daisy talked about how she wanted to buy Delta-8 online but she has to get her money right. I flat out told her, I’m not a Delta-8 dealer. You’ll have to get it from the shop. She wants medication.

Then of course there’s the attraction to me. She says she’s in love. I knew she had feelings for me but I figured they’d quickly fade. I had this issue only one other time and her feelings faded quickly so I figured this would be the same.

She blames me for firing her a while back. While she had no job, she decided to spend every dime of her savings. She said spending it set her back from getting a car, but that she wouldn’t have spent it had she not been fired. And so she said her feelings were hurt bc of the trouble “I caused” her. I’m aware of how off the mark that is but it’s still crazy making in the middle of a very weak point in my life.

And yet! And yet part of me needs her to come here tomorrow bc I can’t stand being abandoned.

She let it slip last week that she’s looking for a job closer to home. I’m under 10 miles from her. Does she need it to be next door?

Daisy says she wants to be here and wants the job but her behavior says otherwise.

I text the owner of the company to express concerns about her attendance. To my surprise she texted me back to say Daisy’s attendance had been on her mind. She said, why don’t you let me start looking for some help for you? This confirmed to me that everyone knows this is over. Daisy isn’t getting the extras she admitted getting from her now deceased client: food, meds or a relationship. Also, I’m not the person she embellished in her head.

So where does this leave me? I’m afraid. I say I’m afraid of her leaving me but in actuality, Daisy is already gone. I text her to see if she’s coming to work then get a no. I text the next day hoping, hoping she will show up. I’m chasing her and she’s throwing me crumbs.

During full abandonment issue mode I put up with crap and take crumbs just as long as I don’t get left. I hate that I take so long to accept what’s really going on.

Faith

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