Health. I got more test results. Wow. I knew it wouldn’t be great. I don’t have any blood clots, which is good. But the quality of my blood is quite poor which has resulted in crushing fatigue. The best way to describe it is to compare it to low octane gas. Yes, there’s gas in the tank but don’t expect much.

For about four days straight, I slept like it was going out of style. Today I’ve enjoyed a decent amount of energy.

I’m again dehydrated, still anemic with oxygen sick blood. My blood vessels are too large resulting in drops in blood pressure. Very low blood pressure contributes to fatigue. I’m following my doctor’s recommendations to stabilize my blood system.

I’m so pleased to see that missed meds have not caused any negative issues with my kidneys.

I’ve lost 25 pounds due to quitting soda as well the affects of clinical depression.

Random

  • The fire alarms went off in the hallway for a little while. I’m still on edge from the shooting and just sat here until it was clear if I needed to evacuate. I was not required to evacuate. False alarm.
  • I’ve enjoyed messing around with all my plants lately. I’ve clipped pothos, philodendron and bamboo for propagation then replanted a Janet Craig Compacta tree and a Dragon Tree. I’m a sucker for dracaena and Jade plants. All plants are getting way too expensive.
  • I want to better recognize when I’m triggered and feeling insecure so I can remind myself that insecurities and triggers will pass. I don’t have to lose balance or momentarily forget how often my friends (family) have been here for me, above and beyond. Sometimes I get scared and doubt. I wish I didn’t.
  • I feel a doll coming on. I’m sure she’ll be a sorrow doll, like I made in the recent past.

Mental Health.

  • I feel like I’m running from myself. I’m restless, easily distracted, anxious. I don’t feel a sense of dread or impending doom to the same degree. I feel intense and edgy. I feel a lot.
  • My appetite is generally poor. I’m interested in food but I don’t feel hungry.
  • For many days now, I’ve had various types of music on all through the day. Music is even played as I take a nap or sleep through the night.
  • I don’t like the quiet right now. It’s uncluttered arrangement makes it easier for me to slow down and catch up with myself. I act like my thoughts and feelings will come out of the silence like a predator and maul me to death. I have soothing instrumental music playing as I go to sleep, otherwise I panic in the silence.
  • I’ve noticed that during the day it’s easier to manage obsessive thoughts that rehash old events.

I feel the need to run, not for good, just for a very short vacation. I’ve got a friend in Arizona I’d like to see. I’d ride down with local close friends whose son and daughter in law live in the same city as our mutual friend in Arizona. It might happen this summer. As I wait for that, the same local friends are letting me stowaway on their visit to one of the Indiana state parks. I’m also looking forward to a girls and pets only bonfire. That should be enough to help me settle back down after two years of isolation (isolation with a purpose).

Jordan

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.

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