So I went to the doctor today. He said bc of the totality of my health issues he doesn’t recommend any kind of surgery. I said I hoped for new hips bc I hoped to walk again. He said “No, I’m sorry.” It made my heart sink. I’ve done everything I can for the last 5 years but my body is tired. I’m not going to walk again. For now I have to find ways to deal with the pain.

1- I’m happy I’m not stage 4 avascular-necrosis, nor in need of a hip today.
2 – I’m happy the doctor is cautious about my blood disorder and isn’t surgery happy.
3- I really wanted to walk again. It’s been 5 years but I can’t seem to let go of the idea that I may somehow, someway, get to walk again. I need to redirect that misplaced hope.
4- He encouraged weight loss. I know my meds cause a lot of weight gain, but I’m an emotional eater. That’s a problem. That’s something I can actively work on.
5- I’m upset that new hips, decompression surgery or total hip removal are not in the cards for me right now, still I’m not giving up on life. I’ll keep walking by faith, not by sight.

I can feel the extra weight on me now that I take Seroquel. I’ve made the decision to remain on it but to actively work on calorie reduction.


No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.