The new nurse practitioner spent the first ten minutes telling me how we may not be a good fit. Finally I said, I never said any of what you’re saying I’m feeling. I told her I saw her education and she’s fully capable of treating me but she’s choosing not to.

I left feeling confused, angry and with abandonment issues in full swing. I don’t want to see her. I don’t like her. She was pushy and condescending.

She said dissociative identity disorder is “very, very, very, very rare”. I said, I don’t know how. The abuse suffered by children is incredible. DID isn’t rare.

I told her that the medication I’ve got right now is working. I don’t want to come in and have you wipe it away and start your own thing. Wipe away legitimate diagnosis and focus on something else. I don’t want that.

I told her I’m a long haul patient. I don’t quit easily.

She aasked how many personalities I have. I politely declined to answer. I haven’t even told my long term therapist how many. I don’t share that with people.

She mentioned 2018 and I got a bit emotional. She was reading out loud about the blood clot in the hip that cut off circulation resulting in the death of my hips – avascular necrosis. It hurts that I don’t have any chance at all of walking again.

She talked down to me. Tried to say I didn’t want to work with her. The first ten minutes in I had to ask, what am I doing to make you think I don’t want to work with you and you don’t want to work with me? She started telling me I want a better fit. I don’t want to see her. I didn’t say any of that stuff. I asked how she could tell me repeatedly that we’re not a good match then act like I’m the one who said it. It was insane.

I’m not doing this. Not doing it. I’m not getting ready to see a whippersnapper nurse practitioner! I’m too old to babysit my doctor. She has issues I don’t intend to deal with.

I’m blown away that we never covered any part of OCD. Just blown away.


2 thoughts on “When doctor’s gaslight

    1. The office called me and apologized for what I experienced with her. They said I can see the psychiatrist who is over the department. The manager said he’s “seasoned.”
      Doctors / clinicians and caretakers can unnecessarily destabilize a patient / client by abruptly changing things. I’m terrible with change.

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