I hardly sleep at all. I’ve seen the videos for the last month and they’re all like this. I’m not sleeping.

My body jerks. I’ve cried out a few times. I stay in bed for the most part but I toss and turn, writhe in pain.

At one point I thought I was able to catch less stressful sleep in the afternoon but it’s just as restless.

I expected to see more dissociation at night, more stress eating, things like that. The meds are helping with stress eating and the dissociation right now seems centered around the artwork. I’ve seen quite a bit of dissociation while painting.

I told Dr D, it’s hard to withold compassion from the person in the video (from myself) because she is obviously in a lot of pain. It broke my heart when she cried out in pain, childlike, as if someone was going to answer. It’s hard to hurt from head to toe due to various issues.

I’ve learned quite a bit the last 30 days. I love that wherever I go, there’s Joe Schmoe. And I absolutely love that whenever I wake up, Joe Schmoe is right there just as loyal as can be.

My sweet old guy.


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