She gaslighted me and it upset me. I didn’t like that at all. But I’m afraid to let her go which is what I told Dr D. It’s too much change again and again.

So I talked to her today and told her exactly what I need from her. I need information. Keep me in the loop. Give me an accurate estimated time of arrival. Always be truthful with me even if it sucks so I can respond to the truth accordingly and calmly. Calmly is a lie. We all know calmly is a lie!

When I return from my little trip the last thing I need is change. That’s what Dr D and I talked about today. He too believes I should give her another chance and that he and I need to work on the abandonment a little more.

We talked some today. I just can’t believe how many times she either left us , threatened to leave us , threatened to send us away or took us to the orphanage yearly to see where we’d live when she got tired of us. So yes, my abandonment issues are strong. I hate it! I hate it! I don’t want to be that little girl sitting on the sidewalk but I don’t know how to grow beyond her.

For now I’ve got the same aide. I’m pleased with that bc I don’t like all the change. What if someone worse was coming? The only thing about this kid is her inability to be on time. That’s big. It touches on my abandonment issues when she doesn’t even bother to text. I didn’t say that part. Just that I need communication.

I’ve been drawing pictures of Joe Schmoe to amuse myself. I even did the little patch of missing hair on his bottom, which is coming back nicely. Yes, he’s wearing white socks in acid green grass. I’ll do better next time. πŸ™‚

Joan …. I’m relieved that Little Bit (the CNA) is staying

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.