Abuse Dreams Major Depression Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Dreams. Hallucinations.

Content – Extreme physical abuse, siblings abused, emotional abuse We talked about the dream I had where my mother beat my sister without mercy. It was brutal. She did so in a separate room from me, my cousin and 2 aunts. It was so bad and went on so long that I risked myself by […]

Abuse Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Removing Fault

I’m trying to manage in my head that this all is not my fault. It only takes someone to hint that it is and my head gets all messed up. Right now it doesn’t matter to me why I worry stuff is my fault, I’m just trying to say that it feels really bad to […]

Abuse Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

On being talked down to. Adult relationships.

I’ve processed this out in my head a bit because when it happened it got under my skin. Yesterday one of the CNAs said several times, the reason she didn’t work out here is because I’m “not used to working with adults” and she’s used to “working with a different clientele.” She said she doesn’t […]

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Mental Illness and Demons

My neighbor has Schizophrenia. A different neighbor says it’s not a mental illness but that he has demons. She inaccurately applied Scripture, which I quickly corrected, but its still on my mind and still bothers me. She has no idea what comments like that do to a person with a mental illness. Though I corrected […]

Abuse Anxiety Art ART GALLERY Art therapy Originals Paper PTSD Sketchbook diary Surreal The People Behind My Eyes

Finishing Work

I’ve been finishing work in my books. I set a goal this year to finish work I started but there was an interruption that put me behind. I decided after I got out of the hospital to pick up where I left off with finishing work. Here is one of the key pieces I wanted […]

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Anxiety and Fight or Flight

I understand that my biological response to many things is still as if my body is fighting like when I was abused or when I was having medical trauma from a young age. My adrenal system fights so hard, as if it has to, still. All that adrenaline causes anxiety because I’m still trying to […]

Abuse Anxiety Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Healing by necessity and vulnerability

I am not one who can handle a lot of physical stimulation. I didn’t want to be touched. Movement and sound scare me. However, in a vulnerable state I have had to allow things to happen even if I didn’t think I could handle it. Since being at the hospital I’ve allowed people who resemble […]

Abuse I'm only human PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review Women

Therapy Review: Hard Choices and Boundaries with Family

Dr. D and I discussed a situation with my sister that came up that required I stick to my boundaries, as hard as it is to do. Despite my mother having gainful employment, we spent a lot of time living in the car. I have slept with frost over me, slept on the wet street […]

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Mother’s and Grey Elephants

I’ve thought a lot of my mother lately. In therapy Friday afternoon we talked about traveling, the orchestra, theater, opera and all the cultural things she loved. It’s a strange contrast between the tyrant and the artist but there was in fact a contrast, one I loved. I recall my mother singing around the house. […]

Abuse Art therapy Faces PTSD Siblings abused Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes Tree Art


She had a wide range of peculiarities but one constant; her mouth was always wide open. Her violence frightened me as a child. The fact that she’s still alive makes me a bit uncomfortable. The woman with the split earlobe laughed loudly, sang loudly, slapped you on the back while laughing and did everything over […]