Categories
Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus Major Depression Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review: The Issues at Hand

The issue is that my pain levels are out of control. The issue is that I’m angry which is partly hormonal as I’m perimenopausal. The issue is sleep deprivation, hunger, hallucinations and depersonalization-derealization. Dear Lord I’ve been in therapy too long!! It is helpful though to know what the problem is. The problem is that I […]

Categories
Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

The Good

I’m still in physical therapy. I switched personalities while in the waiting room. A man disciplined his child with one swat to the butt. A woman who was not with that group, turned to her daughter and said; ‘You know you better not speak to me that way. I’d get a switch and beat your ankles’. Even after […]

Categories
Anxiety Art therapy Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

The Benign

The Benign. Betty / Mom and I discovered we have the same sewing basket. Though she didn’t give birth to me, we have so much in common. At the Kingdom Hall I go lay down in another room if I’m unable to sit through the entire meeting. Last Thursday I was snoring. I was told […]

Categories
Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Stress and Hope

The Stress Self control. I seem to be losing it. Even when I’m left alone I feel myself raging. I’ve been seeing things out of the corner of my eye that isn’t there. The people behind my eyes keep talking. During PT, Buttons was  working on my neck while l laid on the bed.  I had […]

Categories
Chronic Pain Life is like a box of Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Physical Therapy: Button’s Stuff

How did PT go? Painful and funny. My PT is awesome. As I thought, I was totally exhausted after. After the session my pain level rose to “get her a trash can. quick!” My pain level has stabilized but I still feel a little out of it. I was given good tips for home. He’s going […]

Categories
Chronic Pain Lupus Sunflowers The People Behind My Eyes

Roses. Jane. The Real Me.

I went out for a short walk today, this time the sun was up and gave me enough light for a few decent photos of the roses. I was pleased to find a few petals which where quickly picked up. Okay, not quickly but they were picked up. Here’s the thing, I never would have […]

Categories
Chronic Pain Creative Writing Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Creative Writing: The Itch

This is the type of writing where I just write one word after the other as it comes to my mind. There is no major editing, just creative, therapeutic writing associated with steroid rage and bitterness. I’ve already noted that its like the rage is sitting in my stomach waiting to come up, but that’s […]

Categories
Acrylic and Ink Art Art therapy Chronic Pain Expressionsim Faces I'm only human Lupus Major Depression Originals Paper Sketchbook diary Sunflowers The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Permission to Speak

I saw my psychiatrist today. We talked about the suicidal feelings. She asked if I feel suicidal at the Kingdom Hall. I said no, I feel like I can make it one more day. She and my psychologist suggested I stick close to the brothers and sisters. but especially try my best to be there […]

Categories
Anxiety Chronic Pain Digital Art Lupus Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

From Under Guard to Fresh Air

I feel as if my home is a beautiful prison with great ambiance, great food and excellent, choice teas. The stairs outside in the hallway are armed guards. One mistep and the guards fire at will. I sometimes manager pain better than other times. My mood makes these times different. The season makes a difference, […]

Categories
Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes

Good. Better. Bestest. Other.

Bestest is a word. Good I went to the physical therapy center today. I was surprised at how open it was, that I was laying next to someone else who was being worked on. That nervousness quickly dissipated as I became familiar with my two specialists. I like both. One is male, the other female. I […]