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Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus Major Depression Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

On Everything and Nothing

I had a dream you were real. I saw you standing beside the dresser. You kept that spot. Your tears were as razors sliding slowly down my spine. To my amazement, you  cried for me. I was too heavy with sleep and admittedly afraid to look you in the eye. I know that dress. I […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Life is like a box of Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

My Stuff and Your Stuff

I’m pleased to say I had an uneventful shopping trip. This is the 3rd time I’ve used my little clay button that asks people not to touch me. People do that here so much. They will touch you in a minute. I’ve had one cashier ask what’s wrong with me. I just said, I have […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder The People Behind My Eyes

The Perfect Storm – Medical Care and Mental Health

I have issues with idiots. As a matter of fact, I’m allergic to stupid people. They make me itch. I cannot stand stupid people, especially when they’re dripping with it. That GP who was nice one time in a year and a half has gone right back to dripping stupid all over the place! An […]

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Abuse Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Every Breath

Written 2/19/16 Right now I’m rather tired, it’s been a very long day. My uvula swelled, got long and began choking me. It’s funny, I had harsh thoughts about my mother’s COPD but today I was the one who could not breath. My throat and uvula swelled twice, and twice I was rather alarmed when […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

The Knock Out

The last thing I want to do is lay in bed struggling with the weather and pain levels. I am grateful that I don’t have to. My pdoc (psychiatrist) gave me something to help knock me out for a bit. I’ve used it 2x in 3 months with last night being one of those nights. […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Please Don’t Touch Me

For awhile now I’ve considered wearing a sign on my upper body vest that requests that people please not touch me. I’ve worn the vest for maybe a year now and I’m comfortable doing so.  Some people look at me like I’m a terrorist, others are bold enough to ask why I’m wearing the vest. […]

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Chronic Pain Lupus

The Common Sense of Tea

My desire is to switch all my containers to ones that lay on their side with the labels showing. I’m going to need a much larger rack, too. I’ve been experimenting and mixing a little this with that. Most have been good but some I’d rather not mention. Nasty. A waste of quality tea.  I’ve […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes

I know what’s different. I’m at the helm.

In a comment to a reader I began listing off more reasons why it feels pointless to trust any doctor or treatment. She said “I’m naked when I try to shed the blanket for more than a few minutes.” I understand that. I feel Naked. I feel Exposed. I feel Defenseless. I throw myself at the […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

What’s wrong with me? An inner conversation.

What’s wrong with you? I’m angry. Yup, I guessed that. I’m wearing it like a blanket that I refuse to remove. What are you wearing under the blanket? Skill. Love. Motivation. Ok, I wasn’t expecting those things. I thought you were going to say exhaustion, vulnerability, etc. If you ask me, those are the reasons I […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Mid July Trip. Kids. Sleep. Meds.

It’s confirmed.  I’ve managed to have enough to get there for three days, then return. Betty said, “You know I’m going to worry.”  Yup, I do, but, I’m going! I haven’t been able to travel since 2012. I refuse to ever ride down with mom again. Never! OMG! That woman has a PhD in nagging. […]