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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Back from the hospital

I’m home now. What a scare. My foot is infected again. I went to the hospital and was admitted for 3 days. The wound turned black and scared everyone to death. I was originally diagnosed with a bone infection but the surgeon that amputated my foot as well as his partner disagree with that diagnosis. […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Foot update: Surgery for wound care

I really needed my doctor to say it’s going to be ok, but that’s not the update I got today. I’m literally shaking. He used the word surgery. I just closed my eyes. My heart dropped. Here we go! No amputation, just an outpatient surgery to do whatever to the wound site and then close […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Struggling. Bruised but not broken.

I’m struggling a bit to keep anxiety under control. My pain levels are too high and I’ve not had much sleep. Today I saw Dr. D at his office. It was a good session yet I dissociated most of the time. It was as if I sat beside myself the entire time talking to him. […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Feeling Clean. PTSD. Colors.

I have a hard time believing, after all these years, that I still don’t feel clean. It’s been so long but I still try to wash off yesterday in the shower. I still need to get all the past off my body where it lays decaying me. After all these years, I just can’t fully […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

My weighted blanket test

For two weeks I’m going to use the 12 pound weighted blanket every evening. I’d like to know if my phantom limb pain is reduced, if general Lupus pain is reduced and if nightmares will be reduced. I feel as if I’m asking for a miracle of the blanket but hey, people say they work […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Hematology Appointment

My blood and ANA are better than projected. There are no new blood clots and no infections so things are good. I’m pleased with today’s appointment. I went to see the Hematologist but canceled my therapy appointment bc I couldn’t do two heavy assignments back to back. As a matter of fact, I had a […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Day Three

After the amputation there has been significantly less CRSD pain. I will not attempt to explain it bc I don’t know if it’s a combination of the nerves and pain medication making a difference. I simply don’t know why there’s less CRSD after the amputation, but there is. I could be bc the nerves down […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Lupus Major Depression Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Memory Plants

Thirteen years I walked past my therapist’s Christmas Cactus and never thought to ask for a start until now.  The three spider plant starts from the surgeon are growing like weeds. They were so tiny when I got them. I snagged a start from the hospital’s bed of pathos. It’s being rooted in the fish […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Lupus and Heroin

I stay seconds from tears. I can laugh and engage but it feels like tears are just behind my eyes waiting to escape. Today I listened to a set of symposiums on courage and just balled my eyes out. I do not feel courageous, I feel broken. I feel like I’ve got a lot to […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy The People Behind My Eyes

Here at Last

I’m finally here. It’s been a very long time but I’m finally in my own place. What a relief! I love it too. It’s very different from any place I’ve ever lived bc I’ve never lived in an efficiency / studio apartment. This is about 500 square feet so it’s not that terribly small. There’s […]