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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review – Reassurance. Normality. Lonely

Walk with Me 8:05 am I didn’t make it in to see Dr D because I wasn’t physically able to travel. I asked him if he’s getting frustrated or worried that things aren’t the way they were. For years I saw him twice a week in his office. I now make it in once or […]

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I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Closing the Gap Between Emotions and Reality

The task was put to me to take a photo of myself monthly. By doing so I could see what I really look like as opposed to how I think I look. I feel like a slob. I feel disgusting and embarrassed to be seen. I feel ugly. Any compliment goes in one ear and […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Life is like a box of Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

My Stuff and Your Stuff

I’m pleased to say I had an uneventful shopping trip. This is the 3rd time I’ve used my little clay button that asks people not to touch me. People do that here so much. They will touch you in a minute. I’ve had one cashier ask what’s wrong with me. I just said, I have […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder The People Behind My Eyes

The Perfect Storm – Medical Care and Mental Health

I have issues with idiots. As a matter of fact, I’m allergic to stupid people. They make me itch. I cannot stand stupid people, especially when they’re dripping with it. That GP who was nice one time in a year and a half has gone right back to dripping stupid all over the place! An […]

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I'm only human Lupus

Thoughts – Updated

My ears are ringing as though a thousand cicadas cling to my brain. The only other time cicadas were deafening was during the night in Tyler, Texas. I’m worried about how often my pain is out of control. I know this body is resistant to treatment. I hoped for longer with this treatment. updated:I hope […]

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Abuse Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Every Breath

Written 2/19/16 Right now I’m rather tired, it’s been a very long day. My uvula swelled, got long and began choking me. It’s funny, I had harsh thoughts about my mother’s COPD but today I was the one who could not breath. My throat and uvula swelled twice, and twice I was rather alarmed when […]

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I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

From the Horses Mouth

When I went to see the doctor today I went with a plan of action. I decided to talk to his nurse, with whom I’m on good terms, and let her know exactly why I was there. I talked to her, let her give him whatever she retained, then I talked to him. I went […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

The Knock Out

The last thing I want to do is lay in bed struggling with the weather and pain levels. I am grateful that I don’t have to. My pdoc (psychiatrist) gave me something to help knock me out for a bit. I’ve used it 2x in 3 months with last night being one of those nights. […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Please Don’t Touch Me

For awhile now I’ve considered wearing a sign on my upper body vest that requests that people please not touch me. I’ve worn the vest for maybe a year now and I’m comfortable doing so.  Some people look at me like I’m a terrorist, others are bold enough to ask why I’m wearing the vest. […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes

I know what’s different. I’m at the helm.

In a comment to a reader I began listing off more reasons why it feels pointless to trust any doctor or treatment. She said “I’m naked when I try to shed the blanket for more than a few minutes.” I understand that. I feel Naked. I feel Exposed. I feel Defenseless. I throw myself at the […]