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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

A Little Reassurance

I went to see the General Practioner today. I thought it would be a long appointment but it wasn’t. I was happy about that. When I saw him, I got a lot of reassurance that the surgery will be just fine and that I’ll not have any bleeding issues as a result of the surgery. […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD Rag Doll Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Knowing Pain. Sorrow Dolls

Last week I made a statement in therapy that I had to reexamine. I said that all I know is pain. I’ve had Lupus since I was a child and I had my mother to deal with. Now I’ve got Lupus, other health issues and mental health issues, all very painful to live with. Maybe […]

Categories
Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Belonging

I told Dr D about my Nebula projector. He asked if I am feeling older and question my place in the universe. I certainly didn’t connect the two but he did. He mentioned that I turned 49 late August and that people in midlife begin to ask deeper questions about life and seek out stars […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Patience still. Joy.

After effort to let go of worry and focus on what I have the ability to change, I was better able to sleep and eat without vomiting. I’ve had no overwhelming anxiety. I still have anxiety about this recent health issue but it’s not choking me like it was. For a minute there I started […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Weepy. Wait and See?

I don’t know what my problem is but I am weepy today. I’ve been on the verge of tears all day. Finally I dropped a few tears when I ran across a painting created a long time ago that I’d forgotten about. I looked at it and it just touched me. I don’t know. It’s […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

A quiet Friday. Health update.

I woke from nightmares yet again, screaming myself awake. The cat looked at me like I’m crazy. I then hurried to get myself together before my CNA arrived. I didn’t want to be seen that frazzled and shaken. Despite a rough start, it looks like this evening will be quiet and unassuming. I’ve completed some […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

A New Course

I’m in the process of changing all my care to one hospital system instead of trying to have a Family Doctor who gives referrals to one hospital and a Hematologist and surgeon at a totally different hospital. For the sake of being clear on which hospital I want to go to I’ll just call it […]

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I'm only human Lupus

Results. Enough. I’ll keep going.

The results showed a 2x2x2 tumor in my uterus (about the size of a lime). They want to see about non-surgical treatments but if the Oncologist / Hematologist says I can’t take it because of my blood disorder then I have to have it surgically removed. The estimated time for healing I was given was […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Tests

The tests went well today. My CNA was with me in the morning then she left so friends could take me for imaging. It went well. They were very understanding. Because she got everything she needed with the pelvic ultrasound, she did not have to do the transvaginal ultrasound. I was quite relieved! I came […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Pelvic Ultrasound. Therapy and Accessibility.

I’m going to have a transvaginal ultrasound Wednesday the 8th at 1:10pm. One of my best friends is taking me. She and her husband took me to the doctor yesterday. When I came out and it was over, I was emotionally spent. I cried and cried. Right now I feel like crap. I want to […]