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Anxiety Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Shattered Windshield

Dr. D and I talked about how I have a general practitioner who kind of reminds me of my sister. He acts like he doesn’t even want to be in the room. The last time I saw him I was there about 5 min. When I came out Momma (Betty) stood up and said, “What’s […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

The Knock Out

The last thing I want to do is lay in bed struggling with the weather and pain levels. I am grateful that I don’t have to. My pdoc (psychiatrist) gave me something to help knock me out for a bit. I’ve used it 2x in 3 months with last night being one of those nights. […]

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Abuse Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review – No Single Emotion

my eyes are tired. my vision is poor. I’m intoxicated with anger. In today’s session, Dr D and I talked about how easily people file away labeled boxes stuffed full of the past. We do it without even thinking. Its boxed up, but the one word label can’t accurately describe just how complex life is […]

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Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Prep for a long day ahead

UPDATE : Too bitter cold, not going. Books and hot chocolate are part of today’s plans. Tomorrow will start with therapy and end with an MRI. The rotatory cuff injury from six months ago still hasn’t healed. Prep for tomorrow starts today. Whatever I’m going to eat has to be made tonight. Whatever clothing I’m going […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Please Don’t Touch Me

For awhile now I’ve considered wearing a sign on my upper body vest that requests that people please not touch me. I’ve worn the vest for maybe a year now and I’m comfortable doing so.  Some people look at me like I’m a terrorist, others are bold enough to ask why I’m wearing the vest. […]

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Chronic Pain Lupus

The Common Sense of Tea

My desire is to switch all my containers to ones that lay on their side with the labels showing. I’m going to need a much larger rack, too. I’ve been experimenting and mixing a little this with that. Most have been good but some I’d rather not mention. Nasty. A waste of quality tea.  I’ve […]

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Abuse Lupus PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes

Issues and Non-issues

The main issue is me. I’m still alive when I wasn’t supposed be. I’m sorry but, I’m struggling with that, with how close I came to not being here. I’m struggling with surviving. Some might think a sigh of relief is in order. On one hand there is but the other side of the coin […]

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Anxiety Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Grocery Store as a Multiple. The Marriage Date.

I had a list. I stuck to the list. She suggested a stop at the bank which was not part of the original plan. The teller, a woman I know, asked a question about the Bible. I tried to explain and said I’d return with a better answer. When I got back in the car […]

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Abstract Art Acrylic on Paper Anxiety Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder Originals Paintings Paper The People Behind My Eyes

DID. Anxiety. Art.

I was thinking about how many doctors have told me my body is resistant to treatment. Hearing that in my head made me think, well, if that’s the case then I’d better get to moving along before this treatment is rejected. At this time I’m able to leave the house. This treatment allows me to […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes

I know what’s different. I’m at the helm.

In a comment to a reader I began listing off more reasons why it feels pointless to trust any doctor or treatment. She said “I’m naked when I try to shed the blanket for more than a few minutes.” I understand that. I feel Naked. I feel Exposed. I feel Defenseless. I throw myself at the […]