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Chronic Pain Lupus Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes Women

In a field of flowers

I would say I’ve hit a rough patch but this is no patch, this is a field. Now I have to figure out how I’m going to traverse this ground with its pits and stones. Today has been difficult but quiet, manageable. Anxiety is high, still, and my body hurts from head to toe. That’s […]

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Anxiety Art therapy Chronic Pain Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review Women

Therapy review: What I need to hear

I read to him the entry I wrote about being angry with him. I then assured him I will not lie to him about feeling suicidal or depressed. I need to trust him and he needs to trust me. I cried from open to close of the session. It’s been a hard day physically and […]

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Lupus Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes Women

Depression is a liar

My hormonal depression drags me around like a mop head picking up dirty and left over grime. I can’t get off the floor. Depression is a liar. Depression tells me that people who care don’t love me at all. It tells me I hate them for letting me down when in fact they really haven’t. […]

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I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

First session after vacation. Angry with the therapist.

When I talked to Dr. D he asked how I did with him gone. I didn’t want him to think I cared or needed him so I told him I did just fine. I told him I needed the vacation time too, which is true. I didn’t want him to go for two weeks. The […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes

Depression. Suicide. Medication. Perimenopause.

The medical doctor suggested that Gabapentin withdrawal, not Lyrica is the culprit and that perimenopause is also playing a part in this emotional and medical crisis. She made some suggestions to improve the terrible mood swings such as Dong quai and Black cohosh. When asked why I didn’t lower the dose of Lyrica when it […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes

Lyrica – Against Medical Advice

The symptoms are quite intense. Nightmares, anxiety and deep despair are a lessor evil than pain so I went against medical advice and didn’t reduce the amount of Lyrica I’m taking. My first thought is to type, “I know its risky, but you don’t understand,” however many do. Many get that its difficult to make […]

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Acrylic and Ink Art Expressionsim Major Depression Originals Paper Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Feeling Black Hoping for Light

We talked about feeling depressed in a different way than what I’m used to feeling. There’s an underlying feeling of not caring about anything and just wanting someone to take out of my stomach whatever it is that’s eating me alive. I’m so tired right now I can’t see straight. Sleep didn’t come easily. He […]

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Anxiety Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes

I Don’t Know What’s Wrong With Me

I’ve done what I’m supposed to do, that should feel good. I don’t feel good. I’m still creating. Some get finished, other’s lack substance and I lose interest. Today I made a third doll for donations (pics eventually) and a hat for myself. Right in the middle of studying I had a full blown panic […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Lupus Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes

Okay with not being okay

There has been a lot of sleep today but since it was nearly 60 degrees I decided to take a walk with Clyde. We did 4.5 blocks one way and 4.5 blocks back which is only about a half block longer than usual. Perhaps we would have made it the full 5 blocks had we […]

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Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes

Cheesy the Chubby Frog and Aquarium Therapy

A video for friends. At the end of the video I said these are my ‘frogs’ but only Cheesy the Chubby Frog stars in this short vid.