Categories
Acrylic on Paper Art therapy Chronic Pain Expressionsim I'm only human Lupus Originals Paintings Paper Self Portrait

A Month of Strings 2

I’m still trying to come to terms with the health scare. I micromanaged every move for fear it would be my last. I thought about a journal I’ve lost touch with, a girl who wrote about the “indignity of death.” How is she? Where is she? I cleaned my room because no one should have […]

Categories
Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

I’m not a failure – Opiate Withdrawal

It’s 5:05am. I’m back in from walking outside. I took the trash out too. This is bad. I was going into full body spasms again. Big time  paranoid, head 100 mph. I took the patch off and took pain meds. I went outside and walked as fast as I could. I am steady when I’m […]

Categories
Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Opiate withdrawal from medical treatment

I was betrayed. I did exactly as I was told. I was told that if I take opiates exactly as I was told, I would be fine. I’m not fine! I did not abuse my medication. I did not take more than I was supposed to take. As a matter of fact I was afraid […]

Categories
Acrylic and Ink Art Art therapy Children Expressionsim Faces Lupus Mixed Media Paintings Paper Tree Art

Some Things Aren’t Easy to Look At

 They just aren’t, some issues are so frightening that even in the line of the sun they are still pitch black, still frightening. When I painted this child, I did so with full knowledge that she may not sell. I have a problem though, I can’t paint gentle art if that’s not what’s inside. So […]

Categories
Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes

Red Dot

I’ve been waiting for a red  dot to show up on Facebook saying I have a message. There’s nothing. It breaks my heart. Have you ever wanted something so badly, that you would sacrifice yourself just to get it. I know I was doing that. I just wanted my sister is all. It’s been several […]

Categories
Anxiety The People Behind My Eyes

How quickly one can lose fellow feeling

Have you ever had a person tell you a “poor me” story and you just didn’t want to hear It’it? Its a legitimate grief and loss,however, I just couldn’t listen to it…. I wanted to get mean with her. I wanted to tell her she’s not the only person in the world that has problems. […]

Categories
Anxiety Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

My emotions are raw – POSITIVE UPDATE

My emotions are raw. UPDATE – A positive update hasn’t been written yet. Please remember that my emotions are all over the place as I come off of Percocet 10-325mg for a legitimate health issue. I’m spent. This is true – he said that fms is a chemical response. That is a true statement. FMS is a chemical […]

Categories
Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Sixty. Thirty. Ten.

Look, things have been going down hill for awhile. I’ve felt like my last breath is only half a breath away. Sadly, each day is worse than the last, yet I’m still here. I don’t want to be. I went to see a new doctor today, a guy who ranks in the top 500 in […]

Categories
Artists Thoughts PTSD

Dolls. Bears. Frogs. Birds

I’m having difficulties with the shoes for the doll I made. I refuse to paint them on because I could see me spilling paint on her little dress. I don’t even know where to get dark blue or black socks. If I did, I’d leave it at that. Soo, that’s the hold up with the […]

Categories
Abuse PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes

Reconciliation and Peace Offerings

My mother has not died. She doesn’t hold the same sway over my sister as she once did. My sister has allowed me to take steps to reconcile with her. It’s strange really, to think I’d on some level have a sister willing to notice “peace offerings” left at her door. I have this image […]