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I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Gratitude Expressions 8/26/18

I am, first and foremost, grateful for life itself! I’m grateful for each breath, even when it’s labored, even when it hurts. I’m grateful to be alive. I’m about to be 47 years old at the end of this month. I can say I’ve earned each gray hair on my head which is why I […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy The People Behind My Eyes

Here at Last

I’m finally here. It’s been a very long time but I’m finally in my own place. What a relief! I love it too. It’s very different from any place I’ve ever lived bc I’ve never lived in an efficiency / studio apartment. This is about 500 square feet so it’s not that terribly small. There’s […]

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Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

The Move

Saturday at 2pm I’ll move to the new place. I’m excited but I won’t have the internet for a few days. In the few days off line I hope to set up my art table and supplies. I need to see my belongings again. It’ll mean a lot to see my stuff. It’s hard to […]

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Acrylic on Paper Art Art therapy Black Children Children Chronic Pain Faces Flowers Lupus Mixed Media Originals Paintings PTSD Surreal The People Behind My Eyes

Three Birds

Fifteen days total but halfway through I began to lose myself to the constant and extreme pain. My medication cocktail sometimes caused me to see dragons and aliens. I’d been in intensive care for the bilateral pulmonary embolism and life threatening blood clots. I was about to begin a chapter of life I’ll never forget, […]

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Art Art therapy Lupus Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes

Saturday is moving day

I got the apartment and move in Saturday! I already have the keys and lease. I’m excited and a bit nervous, mostly excited. I have to figure out how to fit my stuff in this place. One thing I know is I’ll have a 55 gallon aquarium in there! Somehow, some way, that aquarium WILL […]

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Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Raynaud’s Syndrome or something else?

My toes were so cold I wanted to get under the blanket, better yet I could warm imaginary toes beside and imaginary heater and get better results. I experienced, for the first time, this phantom pain they talked about. It’s where you can feel the limb that was removed. One man said he could feel […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Apartment Possibilities and the Wheelchair

I’ve gotten a hold of all the paperwork I need to apply for the wheelchair accessible apartment! I have everything I need! Oh I can’t wait to have my own place again. Since this started I’ve had zero personal space either physically or environmentally. People touch and prod, observe and examine, when and where they […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Abstract Art Acrylic on Paper Art Chronic Pain Expressionsim Lupus Originals Paintings PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Women of Strength

Enduring the Days

The last few days have been torture. I hurt from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. The amputation site is having an electric storm of shock and neuropathy. It’s been a bad few days and I’ve done very little reaching out. I’ve just been waiting for medication time! The foot […]

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Art Chronic Pain Digital Art Expressionsim I'm only human PTSD Surreal The People Behind My Eyes

Not Cut and Dry

I asked you to do the surgery. You said you could or a colleague but I trusted my life in your hands. It felt like there was so much at stake, more to lose than body parts. I can’t explain how afraid I was that I’d throw a blood clot or bleed to death. I […]

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Chronic Pain Digital Art Faces I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Women of Strength

The Brave Face

I’m not brave. I’m not. I’m not rolling with the punches, I’m just getting punched. As I said, I’ve walked through the fire and I’m all burned up. I’m skinny, starving for a moment of real rest, of relief.