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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

The Surgeon Who Stole My Toes

I see “the surgeon” tomorrow, the one who amputated my toes. I wonder what kind of person it takes to look at a foot rotted black, take a saw and hack off a body part to be thrown away? What allows his mind to go there and his hands to follow? Though beyond repair, black […]

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Art Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Looking and Moving Forward

I have a few more art supplies coming from Amazon.com which will give my heart another reason to beat happily. I don’t look happy in the photo bc I’m not. I was at the beginning of whatever my body is doing right now. I’m hacking and spitting up, vomiting and utterly miserable feeling. That’s how […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

A difficult start

12 painful stairs to a tiny room. Each step felt like I couldn’t cry any more than I did one step earlier. I made it up the stairs and laid on the air mattress with a slow leak and asked myself, “is it worth it?” can’t I just stop taking meds and let nature take […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Pain and Healing

Fact: With healing comes pain. And I’m in a lot of pain. It makes me angry and irritable. I’m tired of it. I am healing. The surgery incision is closing naturally and looks clean. Despite pains that shoot through it, it’s healthy and progressing well. I’m irritable and sensitive.

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Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Victory Laps and Wobbly Steps

That’s joy on my face. Walking brings joy to my face. I did 125 feet today. Another goal met was to begin giving myself the Arixtra blood thinner shot, which I take once daily. Next week we will work on stamina issues. I’ll begin learning to balance myself climbing the stairs. I’m going to need […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

On fear and focus

July 8th I’ll be discharged from the nursing home whether I have an apartment or not. Here’s a shot of me holding my bears. I worry about my lack of stamina and how it will prevent me from getting basic needs met. I’m not whole, not ready to be discharged to care for myself. How […]

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Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

A Thousand Miles

I wasn’t nearly as afraid when I was in the thick of it. I knew what was stacked against me. I understood the odds were not in my favor yet I didn’t constantly think about dying. I knew I wanted to live. Once I realized I may lose as much as both legs I tried […]

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Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Surviving Triggers

I was shaking from head to toe. I couldn’t think. I was naked, in the shower with a nurses aid standing beside me. A black woman was touching me! I might as well have been a child with my mother in the shower, that’s why I was shaking. It didn’t matter that the CNA was […]

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Creative Writing I'm only human Life is like a box of The People Behind My Eyes Women

Interview with Myself

I need a blog entry so I’ve decided to interview myself. The questions and answers are off the top of my head. I’ll do 5 questions. Question: Faith, what have you done this week to improve your quality of life? Answer: Wow. That’s tough. Off the top of my head I’d say I have worked […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Disabled Days

I stood twice then transfered to the toilet on my own. I needed help with getting back in the chair and getting my brief on. I transfered to bed on my own, exhausted, discouraged a bit. But it’s early, right? It was only the 7th that I had surgery. The CNA asked me if I […]