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I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes Women

Hugging Dreams. Wheelchair Companions.

For several nights in a row I’ve had a dream about getting hugs from some beautiful black man. I know, right! The thing is, since I haven’t had a real hug since March the dream hugs have been nice and healing. In one dream he hugged me and held on. It was great and so […]

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Anxiety I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review – Depression and Prolonged Isolation

I told Dr D that I struggle to keep from resenting people who won’t keep good COVID-19 practices. I’ve been isolating for so long that it’s starting to wear on me. Seeing people go without a mask and go about like nothing is wrong, make it harder on the rest of us who are trying […]

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Life is like a box of The People Behind My Eyes

On Getting the COVID-19 Vaccine

I talked to my Hematologist about getting the vaccine. He thinks it’s a good idea. Of course I won’t get it in the first round but I want to be in line for it. There are a lot of people concerned about its safety. I’m one of them. Here’s what I’m thinking – the vaccine […]

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Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes

Another COVID-19 Scare

I’ll be getting tested for the first time ever tomorrow. I’m nervous but I’m also very, very exhausted. I can’t breathe very well. My lungs are burning. I can’t wheel myself about. My words have been slurred. I’m hungry but I’m too dag on tired to eat. My blood pressure has been so low that it’s […]

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Anxiety The People Behind My Eyes

The Pandemic is Changing Me

The pandemic has changed me. The long isolation time has made me clingy and more emotionally dependent on my caregivers. Today I wasn’t going to have a caregiver but my CNA came anyway, despite having a tooth pulled. I couldn’t believe she came. She said she wanted to make sure I had something to eat. […]

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Anxiety Life is like a box of The People Behind My Eyes

Negative

Her test was negative. I can breathe a sigh of relief! Today is my CNAs last day. I’m a little bitter because she didn’t turn out to be who she so loudly claims. The hunt continues. Faith

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Anxiety Life is like a box of The People Behind My Eyes

Care Plan

Nothing is business as usual while waiting for a fast track COVID – 19 test. I definitely lost sleep over it last night but I was able to get a good nap. I feel much better. The nursing company said I’d know more about the care plan today which is that I will have the […]

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Anxiety Life is like a box of Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

COVID-19 Shock

I don’t know if I should cry or fall to my knees and pray. Wow. Ok so, my Saturday CNA is being tested for COVID-19 during which time I was instructed to quarantine alone. No care. No CNAs. No nurses. Just me. This should be interesting. There’s a lot going through my head right now. […]

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Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Another Thoughts List

I don’t have a single subject or a lengthy one, just fragmented thoughts. I need contact with the outside world. I don’t necessarily have to go outside often, but I need people to come here. I fear getting coronavirus and being completely isolated with it. I wouldn’t be able to have my CNAs if I […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes

Me and Face Masks

Me smiling. I laugh more than I smile. Recently I’ve had more to smile about. I feel as if I’ve gotten my second wind. I’ve got a lot more confidence concerning the world situation and feel safe and okay at home. The world is still big but doesn’t feel so big I can’t manage stress. […]