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Acrylic and Ink Art Art therapy Chronic Pain Expressionsim Faces I'm only human Lupus Major Depression Originals Paper Sketchbook diary Sunflowers The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Permission to Speak

I saw my psychiatrist today. We talked about the suicidal feelings. She asked if I feel suicidal at the Kingdom Hall. I said no, I feel like I can make it one more day. She and my psychologist suggested I stick close to the brothers and sisters. but especially try my best to be there […]

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Multiple Personality Disorder The People Behind My Eyes

Slept and Kept Sleeping

Bad day. The last day for steroids. Yes, the pain is a lot less body wide but my brain can’t handle this high dosage of steroids. Rage is what I feel, rage. I saw Snow for a moment but I don’t know why she was here. She was here for just a minute. She said […]

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Chronic Pain Lupus

The Common Sense of Tea

My desire is to switch all my containers to ones that lay on their side with the labels showing. I’m going to need a much larger rack, too. I’ve been experimenting and mixing a little this with that. Most have been good but some I’d rather not mention. Nasty. A waste of quality tea.  I’ve […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes

I know what’s different. I’m at the helm.

In a comment to a reader I began listing off more reasons why it feels pointless to trust any doctor or treatment. She said “I’m naked when I try to shed the blanket for more than a few minutes.” I understand that. I feel Naked. I feel Exposed. I feel Defenseless. I throw myself at the […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Mid July Trip. Kids. Sleep. Meds.

It’s confirmed.  I’ve managed to have enough to get there for three days, then return. Betty said, “You know I’m going to worry.”  Yup, I do, but, I’m going! I haven’t been able to travel since 2012. I refuse to ever ride down with mom again. Never! OMG! That woman has a PhD in nagging. […]

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Abstract Art Acrylic and Ink Anxiety Art Expressionsim I'm only human Lupus Originals Paintings Self Portrait Surreal

A Month of Strings 1

This may look familiar. I’ve had it forever. “The Tin Man”. He also reminds me of a puppet on strings and the need for freedom. From what? From the things that wrap around pnd me. I feel tangled. I feel lost, pulled in several different directions, floating above unstable ground. MY HEART IS BROKEN and […]

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Acrylic on Paper Art therapy Chronic Pain Expressionsim I'm only human Lupus Originals Paintings Paper Self Portrait

A Month of Strings 2

I’m still trying to come to terms with the health scare. I micromanaged every move for fear it would be my last. I thought about a journal I’ve lost touch with, a girl who wrote about the “indignity of death.” How is she? Where is she? I cleaned my room because no one should have […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

I’m not a failure – Opiate Withdrawal

It’s 5:05am. I’m back in from walking outside. I took the trash out too. This is bad. I was going into full body spasms again. Big time  paranoid, head 100 mph. I took the patch off and took pain meds. I went outside and walked as fast as I could. I am steady when I’m […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Opiate withdrawal from medical treatment

I was betrayed. I did exactly as I was told. I was told that if I take opiates exactly as I was told, I would be fine. I’m not fine! I did not abuse my medication. I did not take more than I was supposed to take. As a matter of fact I was afraid […]

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Anxiety Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

My emotions are raw – POSITIVE UPDATE

My emotions are raw. UPDATE – A positive update hasn’t been written yet. Please remember that my emotions are all over the place as I come off of Percocet 10-325mg for a legitimate health issue. I’m spent. This is true – he said that fms is a chemical response. That is a true statement. FMS is a chemical […]