Categories
Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Perimenopause and clotting. Blood thinner realities.

Content: Very personal entry. Perhaps not for the squeamish. Talk of blood and blood clots as well as being on a blood thinner during the cycle. I’m struggling physically. I thought I was going to the hospital last night. I didn’t go because I thought to myself, I just can’t do the battery of tests […]

Categories
Anxiety I'm only human The People Behind My Eyes Women

Menopausal Symptoms : Cravings and Sleep

I felt guilt and shame before I was armed with knowledge concerning menopausal cravings for sugar and estrogen related weight gain. I thought I had some sort of eating disorder. I thought I somehow ate myself to this size, but how? I mean, yes, I was putting away a lot of sweet foods but not […]

Categories
(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Lupus The People Behind My Eyes Women

Better

I’m no longer sleeping the way I was and the med side effects are starting to get better. I got what I asked for, a reprieve from menopausal symptoms while managing shingles. I should see a start up of symptoms in the next few days but I did get almost two weeks of relief that […]

Categories
Chronic Pain Lupus Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes Women

In a field of flowers

I would say I’ve hit a rough patch but this is no patch, this is a field. Now I have to figure out how I’m going to traverse this ground with its pits and stones. Today has been difficult but quiet, manageable. Anxiety is high, still, and my body hurts from head to toe. That’s […]

Categories
(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety Art Chronic Pain Lupus Nature and People Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes Women

Cuppa. Sleep. Work. I’m Better.

A lot of tea sipping, a lot of sleep, that’s what’s been going on over here. Anxiety is very high as are my pain levels. I’ve got an open sore on my leg that hasn’t healed in three weeks times so I have to get more treatment for it. That doesn’t worry me though maybe […]

Categories
Anxiety Art therapy Chronic Pain Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review Women

Therapy review: What I need to hear

I read to him the entry I wrote about being angry with him. I then assured him I will not lie to him about feeling suicidal or depressed. I need to trust him and he needs to trust me. I cried from open to close of the session. It’s been a hard day physically and […]

Categories
Lupus Major Depression The People Behind My Eyes Women

Depression is a liar

My hormonal depression drags me around like a mop head picking up dirty and left over grime. I can’t get off the floor. Depression is a liar. Depression tells me that people who care don’t love me at all. It tells me I hate them for letting me down when in fact they really haven’t. […]

Categories
Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Sleep. Suicidal Relief. Perimenopause.

Wow. I can’t seem to wake up. I just sleep and sleep. At least its quality sleep though. I’m not having nightmares. I don’t know what the issue is but man I can’t wake up. I have a little more motivation which was needed. I wasn’t getting much done. The depression saw to it that […]

Categories
(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Weather. Desensitization Therapy. Courage and Resilience.

It’s cold, dead cold freezing my bones in place. bones that aren’t, squeak and squawk at the audacious request to carry me. **** It’s supposed to be bitter cold for the next 10 days. I just want the barometric pressure to stabilize, at least my pain would be tolerable. Right now my hands and knees […]

Categories
Art Expressionsim Life is like a box of Sketchbook diary The People Behind My Eyes Women of Strength

A Mother’s Knowledge – The Menopause Talk

If ever I needed to hear a mother’s wise voice it’s now. For many women, we don’t have the option of calling mom to ask midlife questions. We end up spinning out here, losing our minds, not understanding that there’s a logical explanation for what’s going on. I have laughed at older women and thought […]