To most I don’t look nearly as unhealthy as I am. Will people move on and expect me to keep up bc they think I look like I can? Will people remember how bad it was physically and emotionally and have grace for me when I get messed up during…
Tag: ptsd
What Keeps Me Awake – Fear of letting go
My mind will catch up with me if I turn over and go to sleep. Grief will catch up with me if I allow my mind to slow down. I’m afraid of the images that are so vivid even with my eyes closed so I watch worthless TV shows and…
Father. Art.
I keep sighing. My heart is heavy but I keep trying to lift it up. The fatigue is insane. I’m learning so much about how OCD affects my life and how it affected my mother and sister. I don’t know why I keep thinking about my father. I remember his…
Life Today
My hospital bed allows me to sleep well. I can lift the head and feet which helps me rest. Joe turned 15 on the first. Come April my CNA will have been here for a full year. She treats me well. I have a CNA on Saturday too. I like…
Relentless Grief – A History of Madness
Content – Physical sbuse with some details. Sexual abuse. No details. I suddenly put 2 significant memories with the memory of the abuse of K. What does it all mean now? My mother used to giggle as she told us the story of our pet dog trying to bite her…
Relentless Grief
CONTENT – Suicide. Abuse with few specifics. High emotion and anger. Not a light entry. I stayed in bed three days with the lights out. I fed the animals and went back to bed. The world felt too big and too dark. Now I’m in the weeping side of grief….
White Balloon Series pieces 2 and 3
As you can see, this artwork is painted directly on my clipboard. I’d been using the clipboard as a pallet. One thing led to another and I’d upcycled clip boards into part two and three of the White Balloon Series. Both are 8 x 12 inches. These fully functioning art…
Sunflowers and Endurance
“At the end of the day we can endure much more than we think we can” – Freda Kahlo The art piece deals with loss and grief. The largest figure holds tombstones in her hair, and her tears roll down into a heart. Those are some of the details in…
Divided
Content – Dissociative Identity Disorder, Uncontrolled weight gain, CNA in public. Dr. D hasn’t changed my diagnosis. He still recognizes the disorder. He wanted to know if I believe that ‘they’ are all me and not actually separate. I said, I know it’s impossible to have more than one person…
Why So Much Anxiety?
Anxiety comes over like waves. One minute my head is above water, the next I have waves of debilitating anxiety. It washes over me so that all I want to do is go to bed with the covers over my head. I don’t feel like I’m coping. I wish I…