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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Wellbeing

Uterine Ablation Surgery I dropped a few tears because being wheeled back reminded me very much of going through the tough thrombectomy in 2018. The doctor asked why I was crying. He then said, you have PTSD from what you went through, don’t you? I shook my head yes. I’m a very hard stick and […]

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Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Tests and Remodeling

I spent a good long time at the hospital getting test after test. They checked my heart to see if its strong enough for surgery. In 2018 my heart could only pump down to my legs but not back up. It’s doing so much better and I’m safe for Friday’s procedure. They did heart test […]

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Abstract Art Anxiety Art therapy Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Anxiety. What if Painting

Of course my head has been everywhere. I don’t feel good at all and the pain of this is constant. At first I thought, it’s just more pain, something I can ignore. I still think that but this is a new pain so I worry about not knowing what the pain means. Is my stomach […]

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Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Perimenopause and clotting. Blood thinner realities.

Content: Very personal entry. Perhaps not for the squeamish. Talk of blood and blood clots as well as being on a blood thinner during the cycle. I’m struggling physically. I thought I was going to the hospital last night. I didn’t go because I thought to myself, I just can’t do the battery of tests […]

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Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Victory Laps and Wobbly Steps

That’s joy on my face. Walking brings joy to my face. I did 125 feet today. Another goal met was to begin giving myself the Arixtra blood thinner shot, which I take once daily. Next week we will work on stamina issues. I’ll begin learning to balance myself climbing the stairs. I’m going to need […]

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Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

On fear and focus

July 8th I’ll be discharged from the nursing home whether I have an apartment or not. Here’s a shot of me holding my bears. I worry about my lack of stamina and how it will prevent me from getting basic needs met. I’m not whole, not ready to be discharged to care for myself. How […]

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Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

A Thousand Miles

I wasn’t nearly as afraid when I was in the thick of it. I knew what was stacked against me. I understood the odds were not in my favor yet I didn’t constantly think about dying. I knew I wanted to live. Once I realized I may lose as much as both legs I tried […]

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Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Surviving Triggers

I was shaking from head to toe. I couldn’t think. I was naked, in the shower with a nurses aid standing beside me. A black woman was touching me! I might as well have been a child with my mother in the shower, that’s why I was shaking. It didn’t matter that the CNA was […]

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Creative Writing I'm only human Life is like a box of The People Behind My Eyes Women

Interview with Myself

I need a blog entry so I’ve decided to interview myself. The questions and answers are off the top of my head. I’ll do 5 questions. Question: Faith, what have you done this week to improve your quality of life? Answer: Wow. That’s tough. Off the top of my head I’d say I have worked […]