I’m still screaming and fighting in my sleep about things that happened two and a half decades ago. It makes me wonder if I will ever have peaceful sleep. I feel like I have a measure of peace in my waking hours but sleep is haunted, vicious. Today my anxiety took a turn for the […]
Category: The People Behind My Eyes
I’ve got 2 new CNAs right now. I talked to the company and told them how I’ve been feeling about the loss of care every few months. I feel like a failure, I said. I feel like people think it’s all my fault and that maybe people simply don’t like me after awhile. The manager […]
I sat down to hand sew dolls but my hands cramped and spasmed terribly. I thought I’d try to see if I could use my sewing machine despite half a foot amputated and despite significant nerve damage. I had my CNA bring it to the table but I didn’t try anything until after she left […]
I’ve concentrated more on sewing dolls and bears (yes teddy bears) than I have on painting, however, I’ve not neglected my art therapy journal. I tend to pick it up at night and doodle what I’m feeling or I paint during my therapy session. A few entries I chose to publish here are significant in […]
Her test was negative. I can breathe a sigh of relief! Today is my CNAs last day. I’m a little bitter because she didn’t turn out to be who she so loudly claims. The hunt continues. Faith
Nothing is business as usual while waiting for a fast track COVID – 19 test. I definitely lost sleep over it last night but I was able to get a good nap. I feel much better. The nursing company said I’d know more about the care plan today which is that I will have the […]
I don’t know if I should cry or fall to my knees and pray. Wow. Ok so, my Saturday CNA is being tested for COVID-19 during which time I was instructed to quarantine alone. No care. No CNAs. No nurses. Just me. This should be interesting. There’s a lot going through my head right now. […]
Categories
Curve Ball
Back when I was in the hospital I contacted three family members to let them know I was ill. Then six months after, I contacted one of them again, with no response. My sister responded by saying she didn’t care if I lived or died. Two years have passed since the hospitalization with no word […]
May 7th will be two years with the amputation. Funny, my therapist still can’t say that word. He just says, ‘the operation.’ I think the only thing that really makes me sad is not yet being able to wear shoes. I thought I could but not yet. I purchased a pair I thought I could […]
My CNA and I had a serious disagreement where I became very angry. She told me I have spirits and crazy crap like that. I reported her to her supervisor bc it’s not the first time she’s done it, saying she has a “deliverance ministry” and can heal me of my spirits! She is to […]