I hated to do it but I had to fire my 19 year old CNA for habitual failure to wear her mask and wash her hands. I talked to Dr D before I fired her and explained that I was worried I’d not get care for days on end if I fired her but I’ve […]
Tag: ptsd
Dr D and I talked about how I’m affected by what happened to me. I really just want to curl up and block everything out, I told him. He’s concerned. I feel a lot of fear. I also feel as if there’s a lot of pressure to be supportive of other survivors. It feels as […]
The Young One (my CNA) showed up looking lost. She put her head on the table and looked at her phone a bit. I didn’t know what to say. The thing is, she’s here to assist me, not the other way around. But my heart goes out to her. We didn’t talk much. We don’t […]
Uterine Ablation Surgery I dropped a few tears because being wheeled back reminded me very much of going through the tough thrombectomy in 2018. The doctor asked why I was crying. He then said, you have PTSD from what you went through, don’t you? I shook my head yes. I’m a very hard stick and […]
Stress and anxiety have taken over the last two weeks. I stopped eating and took in fewer fluids than normal. I was exhausted. I could hardly breathe but my oxygen levels were very good so that made no sense. My chest was tight. I was faint, weak and had low blood pressure. They thought I […]
I’ve been struggling emotionally since the GYN appointment. It was a bit much for me. Sleep has been rough and anxiety has been really high. I’m kind of struggling a bit. We talked about continuing deep breathing and lavender for anxiety relief. We also talked about the anxiety that comes with this CNA just up […]
I just woke from screaming “No!” in the dream where I wasn’t being attacked or physically abused. In the dream I was staying with friends in their home. My mother was staying there, too. The only thing I got to keep of my things after the move were dolls, the clothes on my back and […]
Categories
Curve Ball
Back when I was in the hospital I contacted three family members to let them know I was ill. Then six months after, I contacted one of them again, with no response. My sister responded by saying she didn’t care if I lived or died. Two years have passed since the hospitalization with no word […]
I go from sleepless nights to straight fatigue with an undercurrent of panic and impatience. I’ve vomited and stressed myself right into an outbreak all over my chest. I can’t get Benadryl until April 1st. Man. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment the 30th of this month. I wish I could cancel. I’ve got to calm […]
I started this painting a few years ago but just couldn’t get it so I used gesso and removed everything I want to change. I’ve put the painting on the easel and will turn it and look at it from all angles for the next few days. This will help me to know which direction […]