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Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

The African Elephant

I look just like her. I laugh like her and I hear her voice when I speak. Wow. I swore I’d never be anything like her, but here I am nearly 50 years old and I’m physically a miniature version of my mother. I’m ok with it because not everything about this woman I called […]

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Anxiety I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

The Dump

Content: CNA casually brings up suicide and sexual assault I have written all sorts of things in this online journal over the last 20 years. My content ranges from emotional health to tea to sex to photo entries. If I felt it, I wrote it, even if it was just a few words, because it […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review: Dirty. Boxes. Pain.

I can’t seem to kick the idea that I am somehow dirty inside and out. I know why. I recall the names I was called so viciously. I just hate that even now, at 49, I want to protect people from my unclean feelings. I have a sweet little CNA that shows up daily. She’ll […]

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Abuse Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Boxed Memories and Emotions

We talked about my mother’s narcissistic traits such as the need to appear perfect and her inability to accept criticism of any kind. We talked about her viciousness and sadistic nature but not too much detail. Most of the time I talked and tried to keep from having to address the visualization technique for compartmentalization. […]

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Anxiety Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

CNA Chronicles : Young CNA Fired. Dissociation.

I hated to do it but I had to fire my 19 year old CNA for habitual failure to wear her mask and wash her hands. I talked to Dr D before I fired her and explained that I was worried I’d not get care for days on end if I fired her but I’ve […]

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Abuse Anxiety I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Compartmentalizing Trauma

Dr D and I talked about how I’m affected by what happened to me. I really just want to curl up and block everything out, I told him. He’s concerned. I feel a lot of fear. I also feel as if there’s a lot of pressure to be supportive of other survivors. It feels as […]

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Abuse Anxiety I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Quiet Connections

The Young One (my CNA) showed up looking lost. She put her head on the table and looked at her phone a bit. I didn’t know what to say. The thing is, she’s here to assist me, not the other way around. But my heart goes out to her. We didn’t talk much. We don’t […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Wellbeing

Uterine Ablation Surgery I dropped a few tears because being wheeled back reminded me very much of going through the tough thrombectomy in 2018. The doctor asked why I was crying. He then said, you have PTSD from what you went through, don’t you? I shook my head yes. I’m a very hard stick and […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Anxiety the Giant

Stress and anxiety have taken over the last two weeks. I stopped eating and took in fewer fluids than normal. I was exhausted. I could hardly breathe but my oxygen levels were very good so that made no sense. My chest was tight. I was faint, weak and had low blood pressure. They thought I […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain Life is like a box of PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: CNAs. Anger. Touch. Pain.

I’ve been struggling emotionally since the GYN appointment. It was a bit much for me. Sleep has been rough and anxiety has been really high. I’m kind of struggling a bit. We talked about continuing deep breathing and lavender for anxiety relief. We also talked about the anxiety that comes with this CNA just up […]