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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

High Pain

I can’t stand it. I don’t even know why I’m writing it. I guess because it helps just to say or scream that it hurts. I think when I hurt this way it starts to make my heart sad. I feel it emotionally, too. I’m not sure why. The physical pain makes me hurt inside […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Wellbeing

Uterine Ablation Surgery I dropped a few tears because being wheeled back reminded me very much of going through the tough thrombectomy in 2018. The doctor asked why I was crying. He then said, you have PTSD from what you went through, don’t you? I shook my head yes. I’m a very hard stick and […]

Categories
Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Tests and Remodeling

I spent a good long time at the hospital getting test after test. They checked my heart to see if its strong enough for surgery. In 2018 my heart could only pump down to my legs but not back up. It’s doing so much better and I’m safe for Friday’s procedure. They did heart test […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Major Depression PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Anxiety the Giant

Stress and anxiety have taken over the last two weeks. I stopped eating and took in fewer fluids than normal. I was exhausted. I could hardly breathe but my oxygen levels were very good so that made no sense. My chest was tight. I was faint, weak and had low blood pressure. They thought I […]

Categories
Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

A Little Reassurance

I went to see the General Practioner today. I thought it would be a long appointment but it wasn’t. I was happy about that. When I saw him, I got a lot of reassurance that the surgery will be just fine and that I’ll not have any bleeding issues as a result of the surgery. […]

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Chronic Pain The People Behind My Eyes

Ablation Surgery Scheduled

I found out today that my surgery is Friday November 13th. I thought it was going to be sooner but nope. November 13th will be here before I know it! Before then I have pre-op appointments, including a COVID 19 test to be taken. The surgery is a uterine ablation. It’s short, sweet and is […]

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Chronic Pain The People Behind My Eyes

Watching TV

Wow. I actually have a TV now. It’s been 15 years. I can’t believe there’s a little flat screen here. It’s so darn cute! I just love it. My CNA went with me to buy the TV because I had no idea what to get. I needed a Wi-Fi TV of a certain brand, but […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review : Pain. Ablation. Joe

I’m quite close to chucking it all and heading to the emergency room for a shot of whatever that was they gave me the last time I was there. It’s been a week of high pain and vomiting. I hoped I’d last until it’s time for the ablation but I can’t stand it. Not only […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD Rag Doll Self Portrait The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Knowing Pain. Sorrow Dolls

Last week I made a statement in therapy that I had to reexamine. I said that all I know is pain. I’ve had Lupus since I was a child and I had my mother to deal with. Now I’ve got Lupus, other health issues and mental health issues, all very painful to live with. Maybe […]

Categories
Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Belonging

I told Dr D about my Nebula projector. He asked if I am feeling older and question my place in the universe. I certainly didn’t connect the two but he did. He mentioned that I turned 49 late August and that people in midlife begin to ask deeper questions about life and seek out stars […]