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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Anxiety I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review: Dirty. Boxes. Pain.

I can’t seem to kick the idea that I am somehow dirty inside and out. I know why. I recall the names I was called so viciously. I just hate that even now, at 49, I want to protect people from my unclean feelings. I have a sweet little CNA that shows up daily. She’ll […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

High Pain

I can’t stand it. I don’t even know why I’m writing it. I guess because it helps just to say or scream that it hurts. I think when I hurt this way it starts to make my heart sad. I feel it emotionally, too. I’m not sure why. The physical pain makes me hurt inside […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Wellbeing

Uterine Ablation Surgery I dropped a few tears because being wheeled back reminded me very much of going through the tough thrombectomy in 2018. The doctor asked why I was crying. He then said, you have PTSD from what you went through, don’t you? I shook my head yes. I’m a very hard stick and […]

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Anxiety The People Behind My Eyes

Surgery Friday Morning

The doctors are on the same page now. I’m to stop the blood thinner Fondaparinux on Thursday. I’ll have the procedure Friday and take the medication again Saturday morning. That’ll be the longest I’ve been off the blood thinner in 2 years. It’s kind of scary not take it. Hopefully I will have a CNA […]

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Anxiety Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

When Doctors Fight

The surgeon wants to do the ablation without stopping the blood thinner Arixtra aka Fondaparinux. My Hematologist laughed out loud and said, “No!” This is a rather strong blood thinner and the possibility of bleeding is way too high. My Hematologist says I should not ever have surgery without it going through his office first […]

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Chronic Pain Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Tests and Remodeling

I spent a good long time at the hospital getting test after test. They checked my heart to see if its strong enough for surgery. In 2018 my heart could only pump down to my legs but not back up. It’s doing so much better and I’m safe for Friday’s procedure. They did heart test […]

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Anxiety The People Behind My Eyes

The Pandemic is Changing Me

The pandemic has changed me. The long isolation time has made me clingy and more emotionally dependent on my caregivers. Today I wasn’t going to have a caregiver but my CNA came anyway, despite having a tooth pulled. I couldn’t believe she came. She said she wanted to make sure I had something to eat. […]

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Anxiety Chronic Pain I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

A Little Reassurance

I went to see the General Practioner today. I thought it would be a long appointment but it wasn’t. I was happy about that. When I saw him, I got a lot of reassurance that the surgery will be just fine and that I’ll not have any bleeding issues as a result of the surgery. […]

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(CRSD) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Chronic Pain Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Therapy Review : Pain. Ablation. Joe

I’m quite close to chucking it all and heading to the emergency room for a shot of whatever that was they gave me the last time I was there. It’s been a week of high pain and vomiting. I hoped I’d last until it’s time for the ablation but I can’t stand it. Not only […]

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Abstract Art Anxiety Art therapy Lupus The People Behind My Eyes

Anxiety. What if Painting

Of course my head has been everywhere. I don’t feel good at all and the pain of this is constant. At first I thought, it’s just more pain, something I can ignore. I still think that but this is a new pain so I worry about not knowing what the pain means. Is my stomach […]