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Abuse Art therapy Artists Thoughts Chronic Pain Lupus Sketchbook diary Sunflowers The People Behind My Eyes

Journal Art : Family and Lupus

I’ve concentrated more on sewing dolls and bears (yes teddy bears) than I have on painting, however, I’ve not neglected my art therapy journal. I tend to pick it up at night and doodle what I’m feeling or I paint during my therapy session. A few entries I chose to publish here are significant in […]

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Abuse Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Curve Ball

Back when I was in the hospital I contacted three family members to let them know I was ill. Then six months after, I contacted one of them again, with no response. My sister responded by saying she didn’t care if I lived or died. Two years have passed since the hospitalization with no word […]

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Abuse Anxiety I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

CNA Says I Have Spirits

My CNA and I had a serious disagreement where I became very angry. She told me I have spirits and crazy crap like that. I reported her to her supervisor bc it’s not the first time she’s done it, saying she has a “deliverance ministry” and can heal me of my spirits! She is to […]

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Abuse PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Sadistic Mother

Content – Verbal abuse account. Emotional. Anxiety. Mention of physical abuse. Therapy was hard. At 48 years old I’m still not over the abuse. When I said this to Dr D. he commented that the abuse was extreme and for a very long time. It makes me want to cry. I’ve been running from this […]

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Abuse Anxiety Dreams Lupus PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes

Dreams

Content – Physical abuse. Emotional abuse. My dreams have ranged from strange to emotional to terrifying. Last night I had a dream I lost my identity but was assisted by a stranger to get it back. When I was handed papers that confirmed what I was saying all along, I am in fact Faith Austin, […]

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Abuse I'm only human PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Good Day. My voice. Their hope.

It’s been a good day. Pain has been low and stress is near zero. It’s been good. I did a little cleaning, drank some hot chocolate and talked to friends and neighbors. I’m also feeling good about the firing of my CNA. I didn’t think the company would care nearly as much as they do. […]

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Abuse Anxiety PTSD The People Behind My Eyes

Give an inch

“Take your stump and lay down.” It was said so cold and cruelly by my CNA. Somehow she thought it was funny. I didn’t. The words seared my heart, blocking a way to forgiveness. There were a multitude of offenses like that which lead up to today’s firing. She had been here several months but […]

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Abuse African-American Rag Doll Art therapy Artists Thoughts Chronic Pain I'm only human Lupus PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review: Live free. Young Self.

We talked about figuring out how to live with instability, with the unknown. I’m not a very flexible person. I’m not spontaneous, don’t like to have someone jump out and surprise me. But my health is one big unstable lion that is silent for awhile but waiting for the moment to roar. We talked about […]

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Abuse Chronic Pain Lupus Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Woes

Content : Suicide discussion. Physical updates. Flashbacks of abuse. Abuse. The nurse will be here tomorrow. I’ve fallen 3x in a week so things are a bit messy right now. I’ve been told I pushed too hard, tried to do too much. I’ll see Dr D tomorrow as well. He is concerned about what he […]

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Abuse Dreams Major Depression Multiple Personality Disorder PTSD Siblings abused The People Behind My Eyes Therapy Review

Therapy Review : Dreams. Hallucinations.

Content – Extreme physical abuse, siblings abused, emotional abuse We talked about the dream I had where my mother beat my sister without mercy. It was brutal. She did so in a separate room from me, my cousin and 2 aunts. It was so bad and went on so long that I risked myself by […]