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I finished my neighbor's doll today. She's 24 inches and has beautiful, long, black hair. She's got tiny pearl earrings and a small white bow in her hair.

In the works are 3 rabbits left to complete and one doll. I need to photograph the two other dolls and they will then be in my Etsy shop.

Keep a look out for more dolls and stuffed animals in my Etsy shop at www.Sundrip.etsy.com.

See you there,

Faith

My therapist and CICOA worker and I are in agreement that the current CNA, the one who just got here, is not a good match for long-term care for me. Despite liking her, there are very poor life decisions that are being made that will affect my household. While I will not pass judgment on some of the participants in her life story, I do feel it necessary to separate myself from her and the company that hired her, and the CNA before her.

I have left out the very sensitive (sorted and disturbing) details given to me directly by the CNA herself because I worry about offending some. I want to handle the delicate situation ... delicately.

It's too bad the choices this 35 yr old has made and is actively making. It's sad.

So, instead of immediately firing her I will allow her to come temporarily, that is until the new company is hired. I see no reason to have the same company send yet another CNA when they seem to only hire the troubled ones..... This takes the cake though...... I will get a new CNA when the new company arrives in a week or so.

I need assistance but I don't need drama. Also, I'm learning to better set boundaries with the CNA's as well as break free from the idea that I have to take what I'm given.

Faith

The new girl is calm, generally not excitable. I like her and hope she works out for at least a few months.

I will not be the type, this time, to let abuse go until it gets crazy. As an abuse survivor I asked myself what I was doing to make the other CNA behave that way. I could tell too that I was having a very hard time saying no to her which gave her a license to run over me, and she did. I hope this girl has better boundaries than the others.

One quick thing we will have to get settled is that we will go to the store I shop at! Today she wanted to go to a Goodwill by her house where she could shop for her kids while I got what I went for. I said I need to go to a different Goodwill. She complained that it was far and had clothes for older, white people. I reminded her that the trip was for my purposes and that getting clothes for her teenage kids was secondary. She was quiet after that.

Monday I go see Dr D in his office. The CNA will take me and will complain about the distance. I'll remind her she was told we're going to this 20 mile round trip appointment every other week AND her company pays mileage.

We will go to the Kroger I want to go to, not to grocery store she wants to go to. I shop at Kroger and Walmart, much to the chagrin of my CNAs who express that I could shop much cheaper at other stores. Shut up! I shop at those two stores, leave me alone! She got on the kick today, too, about how I should go to Safeway and Aldi. (rolls eyes) I shop where I shop, leave me be.

So anyway, it was a quiet week, nothing major. Some minor irritations like which store I should go to, but other than that it was good.

I did very little work on dolls but I did get half the hair done on my neighbor's doll.

I had Korean BBQ but now I'm craving Japanese food.

Jordan

Part of me just wants to curl up in bed and do nothing. I just want to get in a little ball and sleep. There's stuff to be done but I sure don't want to move from this spot.

Tomorrow is therapy. I wish I was going in instead of talking to him on the phone. I'm clinging to him right now.

I keep wanting to reach out to people but I don't. I don't know why. I know better than to isolate. It doesn't help at all.

I know I'm depressed and frightened by the news from the doctor. I'm down because of not being able to get pain meds but one really good thing is that I have cbd oil covered for October. I don't have to worry about that at all. October will certainly be tight, but I'll have all my needs met.

Though I shouldn't stay in bed much longer, it is nice to snuggle with my buddy Joey Schmoey. 😁❤️

I think tomorrow life gets back to normal. My regular CNA has been off sick with the flu for a week. Poor girl. During that time I've had hit and miss care with a period of 2 hours for 3 days. No CNA but for 2 hrs out of 3 days can be rough, but I think she'll be back tomorrow. Let's hope.

I need a shower and a hot cup of tea. The reality is, I'm going to lay here w my warm 7up and fuzzy cat.

Faith

3

I've been so sick that I've not been eating much. I've wasted a lot of food because I was in too much pain and didn't want eat, and it spoiled. So I made a decision, take the wasted grocery money and buy CBD oil again. I hadn't been able to afford it at $50 for 1000 mg. Anything less than that is a waste of my time, it isn't strong enough. So I did it today, dipped into my $200 a month grocery budget and got the oil that makes a big enough difference that I can stand to even live!

It's been insane trying to get pain relief from the doctor because I have to keep hearing about the opioid crisis! I told the doctor it's not my crisis and I'm in pain. I'm in pain. Legitimate, well documented pain. Doesn't matter. I'm not going to get assistance with this other than CBD oil. I mean, they want to inject me with some crap which doesn't work but they won't give the real help.

I wrote a bit back about how expensive chronic illness is. Today I made one of those decisions that we chronically ill make. Groceries or medicine. It should never come down to this. I know I'm not alone in making such drastic decisions.

I ate two meals today. Two, because the pain level was low enough to allow an appetite.

Faith

Dr. D and I discussed the possibility of me painting almost daily at set times. This would allow me to know ahead of time what to expect. I need set times for things as well as lists to feel more control over my environment and situation. Setting a specific time to paint and doing it has helped me to relax more while painting. There are no expectations. No pressure to produce view worthy materials. The goal is to create and to risk. At first I was concerned about wasting paper and paint but truthfully, I have plenty of both so paint I will.

I've learned a few things over the years about size and media for my personal use. If I use paper that is too big then the project is overwhelming and may not be completed. Paper that is 8 x 10 is usually undaunting, however, there are times I'm so closed up that I need 5 x 9. These sizes also mean if I'm confined to the bed I can still paint with relative ease.

I know for a fact that I'm a paper artist. I love paper, especially textured papers. Oh they just do something to me. Pencil, pen, brushes and other tools are musical as they hit different textured paper. I absolutely love it.

I've been asked if I paint on canvas and create larger art but the answer is no, I usually don't. I'm not comfortable with creating larger art. There's been so much discussion on this subject but the bottom line is this: I am an artist who creates smaller works on paper. Staying within these bounds means I stay true to my craft. It allows me to freely paint instead of attempting to become something I'm not. When I allow myself to paint at a size comfortable for me, I am able to express myself and risk creatively.

Be More by Sundrip

"Be More" is a 7 x 10 watercolor and ink piece created in a wire bound Canson notebook. The art therapy piece expresses the need to bring my emotions to a more balanced view.

I see myself in such a negative light and demand a lot of myself. I'd like to lose the idea that there's something fundamentally wrong with me and get closer to the balanced view that I'm just a flawed human being like everyone else.

After creating the piece free style, with no expectations, I looked at it and began to write what it brought up. The first thing that came to mind is that it's disorganized and very raw. This didn't feel negative to say. It seemed to reflect how I've been feeling lately, disorganized and like I'm just flailing about like a fish out of water. I noticed that the two people dominate the picture. They hold hands and share a small red flower. Though both have a missing foot, one has her mouth open and the other is closed.

As I began writing words like disorganized, fearful, disliked, desperation and paranoid, it occurred to me that I should write how I'd like to be and ways that I am at times. The other side of the paper includes words like risk, flexible, fluid, acceptance and giving. Right between the two figures and by their feet is the word 'integrate'. This reflects my desire to be more harmonious with reality. Reality is that I'm not all bad or all good. Things are no so black and white with me.

Be More detail 1

Of all the words that were written, one sticks out the most. It is the only word that appears in all capital letters and that is the word BURDEN. I ...feel...like...a..burden to others! It'll be quite the struggle to get that emotion in check.

It felt really good to complete this art therapy piece. I like free style painting. I like adding converse words/ideas that turn the piece into a learning and mindful experience.

Faith

Today could have been worse but it wasn't. My water heater leaked all over the carpet. They had to give me a new one. It took about 5 hrs to complete the task. Now I've got a big fan on the carpet drying it.

Nothing got destroyed but the day has been long and full of visitors. My apt is tiny so 2 maintenance men in and out plus me and a CNA was a lot. It's been a long day. The fan will stay on all weekend, too. Argh. Could be worse. Nothing got ruined.

Today has made me aware of the need to protect my art a little better. I've got it in an area that feels safe for it, but I want to put it in a plastic tote to secure it even more. I would be devistated if anything happened to my two files of artwork.

The two files I have only hold legal size papers which is good bc I don't do large art. The files let me store artwork for sale and art therapy pieces neatly and efficiently. I love my little filing systems. I literally store hundreds of pieces on the shelf but now I'll take those systems and place them in plastic totes so I feel more secure.

My CNA and I left after a bit bc the noise got too much for me. We went to the store and avoided much of the stress here at home.

Faith - dry and safe 😊

sunflower visions fma

Title: Sunflower Visions
Art by: Faith Magdalene Austin
Medium: Watercolor and colored pencil on watercolor paper
Size: 9 x 10 inches, 
Finish: Signed, dated, unmounted
Style: Surreal, Abstract, 

Art details: Sunburst, faces, swirls, eyes and hands reaching out are just part of what you'll see in this colorful, jam packed art piece. Lively orange, vivid purple, lime and sage green glow beside sunflower yellow. This is a visual feast, a mindscape, a surreal watercolor art piece. 

"Sunflower Visions" and other original art can be found in my Etsy shop at www.sundrip.etsy.com. You may also contact me for a PayPal invoice.

Thank you for visiting SUNDRIP - Art for Life

wild things fma

Title: Wild Things
Art by: Faith Magdalene Austin
Medium: Acrylic collage on heavy cardstock
Size: 9x12 inches, 
Finish: Sealed, signed, dated, unmounted
Style: Collage, Surreal, Abstract Figurative, raw

Art details: Cut outs of my own art have been arranged to create "Wild Things." Sunflowers, koi fish, African faces, Asian faces and more have been mixed together in a wild collage. This is a visual feast, a mindscape, surreal art piece. 

"Wild Things" and other original art can be found in my Etsy shop at www.sundrip.etsy.com. You may also contact me for a PayPal invoice.

Thank you for visiting SUNDRIP - Art for Life

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