Content - Suicide of brother. Suicide threats by nurse's assistant (CNA)
An anniversary rolled around for my brother's suicide. It was somber. I looked at photos and wondered how on earth he could be gone. It was a tearful day but I made it through.
The very next day something happened with my CNA that doesn't allow her to return here. I waited to talk to my therapist about it. He too feels it's extreme. I told her she can't come here threatening to kill herself bc that's the thing that will cause me to fire her. Well, she showed up threatening to kill herself and did so w full knowledge that I'd fire her for it. She even knows about my brother.
I'm not a cold hearted person. I know how it feels to want to die. I know what it takes to be pushed to the edge. I've been there, but here I am on the other side of a suicide, too. It's a complex problem for me, one I take very seriously.
I don't talk to her about her suicidal feelings bc I felt manipulated. I didn't appreciate how she threatened her boyfriend w suicide when they argued. I didn't appreciate being told several times how she nearly killed herself before work, b4 arriving at my house. What exactly am I to do with that information? I directed her to the stress line and other resources several times. I can't personally take her pain away. I can't save her. And I think it's dangerous to keep trying to talk someone down who shows signs of needing more than a listening ear.
For privacy matters, I've left out a slew of details as to exactly why the CNA can't return. Let's just say it was terrible and gruesome when she showed up.
I feel terrible letting her go. I really feel terrible! She's going to get out of the hospital and realize she can't return. That'll be a blow to her. I don't think she'll understand. I feel very bad, but things came to a head and we aren't able to turn around.
All of this took place the day after the anniversary date for my brother.