Anxiety comes over like waves. One minute my head is above water, the next I have waves of debilitating anxiety. It washes over me so that all I want to do is go to bed with the covers over my head. I don’t feel like I’m coping. I wish I could go to the hospital inpatient for medication management. This is over my head right now.

I’m not suicidal but I’m not ok either. I’m thinking about going inpatient though.

Dr . D is displeased that I can’t rely on my CNAs to remind me to eat something between 10 – 3 while she’s here. She just wants to concentrate on her agenda for the day which doesn’t include reminding me to eat or giving 3pm medication prompts. She reminds me to take 9am meds but the rest of the day there are no prompts. It doesn’t matter who comes here, they aren’t going to do prompts. They aren’t wired for it. This CNA only wants to do some of the housework while outright ignoring the rest, but she’s honestly about the best I’m going to get.

I feel like I’m constantly irritated with a friend of mine. The other day she was fixing the doors on my big terrarium. In the process she needed to adjust something, who knows. Well instead of asking for a screwdriver she picked up one of my spoons for tea and started working with it. I said, no, I don’t think so. I gave her a screwdriver and just shook my head. THEN I went into the kitchen to get in my little oven only to find that the oven was unplugged. I plugged it back in. She said she unplugged it to plug it a small tool. I said, you need to ask questions. Where should I plug this in? Do you have a screwdriver? ….. smh. Don’t just start doing stuff on your own bc it’s not going to go well.

Those two things may not mean anything to others but I don’t appreciate people doing whatever they want with my stuff. And to use one of my spoons for tea like a screwdriver and to pry something off? No ma’am!

I’m also irritated with her bc she takes stuff I’m throwing away and puts it in her attic saying she’ll keep it “just in case I change my mind later and want it back.” I guess I’m not even able to make decisions on my own. Like I need her as a safety net so I don’t throw away my stuff. She gets on my nerves with that crap!

I got rid of a table. Instead of putting it in the trash she said I might want it later so she took it home with her. It’s like for some reason my word means nothing! She gets on my nerves with that crap!

So in addition to anxiety I’m irritated with people. I’m irritated with my CNA for wanting to fight the people at KFC and for threatening to throw a drink on an employee. I’m irritated that stuff goes from zero to 100 with her and employees.

I’m just irritated and very anxious!

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.